waiting~

y is my husband late?

hmmm.. im still waiting for her to go lunch with me... wahuhuh...

stomache growling already..

oh ya...

btw, last night's tuition was fun!

in a sense, i enjoyed reading my student's compo...

haha.. so funny.. shall post it here

but its really problematic when i it comes to marking her compo..

its not even like a compo lah... more like a letter to me..

sigh... how to grade her man?

the most i could give is a weak pass

but she went on writing the score of a full mark at the top right hand corner... haiz..

how to tame this fellow of mine?

enough of last night

today, im so going musical!!!

going to do my exam prac in church's grand piano!!!

oooOOOsh!! muz jia you!!.. exam really coming very soon!!!

wah... so scared!

for once im scared of it... hehe...

n tonight will be cello!!!

how exciting!! so musical today!!

hahaha... gotta really thank uncle anthony for booking the piano for me...

n thank mr lim for the tango score.. hehe..

where's my husband??

im still waiting for her in the library!!

she said she finished lesson 30mins ago... so mean...

leave me here doing nth... =(

a horrific sms!! n a trip to gardenia~

can u believe it?
early morning i received an sms from des tt he dreamt of me last night
e very 1st sms for the day... and it had to be morning...
spoil my day man...
could he really be thinking of getting lucky with me?
ya... he wanna go for lunch on this coming friday
but i dun think i'll go if my husband isnt going
dun think he'll really wanna get back to me ba...
oh.. pls dun scare me

e day didnt get any better
darrel made me skip lec for mi project again...
sianz... yes darrel, i'm gonna post it on my blog so tt u can see it clearly!! =p
n then i head on to gardenia factory for a project visit
so fun!! so interesting!! but too bad....
cant take pics.. but.. i can post pics of how bored we r on our way to clementi

oh well... n i passed my pmi project!!! yes!!!
the project i've been crazily doing over sleepless nights got me a decent result!!
muahahah.... shall chiong for ob now!! OOooosh

chiong ah!!!

chionging for project again!!! wahahaha..
so late lioaz right? wat to do?
okok.. slping soon... very soon
wanna dota with my husband... coz she wans leh... argh
think gerald n wai got her attracted to it already...
but sunday was fun!! thx guys for the pizza n ur hospitality =p
argh... gotta wake up at 645am.. sianz..
okok... slp slp =p

shud i consider?

gerald u got a very irritating mouth
indeed there's a person c...
n this person c has been there for quite some time which i didnt notice
very confused right now... consider him?
e prob is... he's onli got 1 minor flaw which is agst my principle
more like wat i hope to see in a guy
oh God, help me with this decision...

short update

alright, abt tt piano performance...
i didnt play well at all...
not like usual where u ppl would sincerely give me good comments abt e piece i've played
i've screwed up many times... to many in fact
1st off is becoz i was really late for the programme
when i got there, i was e 2nd to play...
e 1 before me played very short pieces which left me no time to cool down n think abt my piece
gosh..


e other matter is tt
straight after the whole programme is over
my teacher came up to me n suggested tt i forget abt playing for exam
exam is juz 1 months time away n im playing in this unacceptabe way, she's not fond abt it
was totally hurt
n i wrote my tots abt it on tt bk... u can read abt it in the previous post
shud i or shudnt i give it up? i didnt give my teacher an ans


tru out e wk i couldnt hav a moment to think abt everything i need to think abt
so bz with projects at night... sch in the morning n programmes in the afternoon
yes... my life is exciting n i admit i ask God for it
but i didnt expect such an 'adventure' God would give me... wow
n i cant wait for breaks!!! hols!! vacation!!!
i admit im tired of this kind of lifestyle where u slp around 2am sch at 9am, u wake up at 7am, work at 7pm, n no time for a time of relaxation
exhausted is e word to be exact


but hey, thx for entertaining me during sch days u frens
im always thankful when u guys r around to juz slack with me in sch... haha
hmm.. shall give credits to wai lah... really thank u for helping me with stuffs in some ways...
gerald ah? nth to thank lah...wahahahhaha
my husband? need me say? thankful for everything! cant believe u can tolerate my supposedly ignorance n troubles
there r a lot more ppl to thank juz tt no point to lah...
this is a private blog mah.. they r not gonna read it mah..


my husband came to my place friday afternoon...
we had to do some shopping to store food in our house
n for tt, we were walking along this ile

it's so pretty..
if i ever gonna live in a bungalow i'll make sure my garden will hav this kind of settings...
of coz excluding the lrt rail n hdb flats around it.. haha


cello sectional is becoming more interesting!
think im enjoying it again
n yes yes... i was late again.. almost an hr late... hehe
but anyway, mr lim very nice to me now
he got me 'por una cabezza' by carlos gardel, orchestra score piece
oh!! so happy!!! ok.. beginning to hav good impression of him already.. hahaha
n tt dumb dumb mr lim made me fall off e piano chair when we were trying out tt score piece on the piano
make me look so embarrassed lah... my CO frens still shouted encore lah..
ya.. encore of me falling of the chair juz becoz mr lim's butt is juz too big. =p
n they even took a pic of me trying to get my hp charger plugged into the socket while mr lim discretely used chairs n tables to trap me in a corner with the socket
gosh... so crap dumb n funny... buay tahan... dunno where e pic go... haha
n guess wat.. this is wat we really do during cello prac!!! hahahahaha

in pain... how irritating

this juz sux...
had planned to go for lecs today n yet...
things had to cock up
i hate it when my time comes... if only...
nvm...


btw, abt wat happened e other day in bugis with my husband
i've already suspected tt it would end up this way...
hmmm.. go read my husband's blog if u got no clue of wat i m referring to
guess this shud be it.


n this is my lovely baby!! hmm.. think i've got lots of 'babies'
show u some...

Ya'An with her tongue sticking out. so cute right?



Jenna n me trying to get ourselves bz with sth on the table haha



n here's Jenna on my other baby. piano i mean. sweet isnt it?



ok, my 2 husbands... hee

tired...of...

wow... playing BRIDGE!!

BRIDGE!! not tt good cards but i like my 4 aces wahahaha..

wow...im quite surprised at how i can actually spend the whole of my afternoon n night juz by playing bridge yesterday manz...
think i broke my record!! haha...
hmmm... dunno how many rounds hav i lost e game
but hey u guys, its great playing it with u all
was actually playing with Marcus WaiHong Gerald n Gordon(is this how u spell his name? oh well) in the afternoon
went to my husband's place for dinner n then... bridge AGAIN with WaiHong Gerald n my husband
wow... ok lah... i had too much fun for a day lah.. ya.. end up 12am+ home hehe


wat abt today?
im juz waiting for the time to pass until its time for my piano performance
wonder how well can i perform even though im unsure of the pieces n hav not memorized it yet
all e best!
shall post abt it when i hav the chance
guess i'll be home late today again coz of darrell's chalet thingy. wahuhuhuhhuh....
then again.. shall do fast fast n leave
muahahhah...


good n late news
des hasnt been bugging me this wk!!!
he tot i got a bf! wah... im so glad man..
but i sure gotta say... these guys who r after me got no stamina 1...
haiya... i muz give credits to rui lah
so far, he's the winner in my list tt had the most stamina chasing after me
i cant believe im so tt ignorant to actually not notice him for 7yrs
ok... scold me if u muz
i think im weak in handling relationship matters moreover to even notice them
n i actually m still feeling bad abt it coz now... he's a changed guy
n i contributed to tt change.. wahuhuhuh.. how i wish im not involved
come to think abt it, sc n des onli chased me for... er... almost 2 months?
wat is 2 months to 7yrs man...
okok... enough of praising rui lioaz...

interesting day it is

wow... quite a no. of things happened today
pretty exciting... haha...
ok... shall structure wat im gonna say according to the time it occurred



early morning in sch
kinda got lost during tut lesson
received my eemac(accounting) results
n unfortunately, i juz failed
totally upset abt it n... think i overreacted
think im lost in my studies already... gosh..
dun wanna tok abt... it juz suck


was hunting for jobs again in the afternoon
my husband was with me to do tt hunt
realised tt e society is looking for full-time
so we stopped hunting n did some shopping
haha... went bugis for a walk
guess wat... sth really really interesting happened
hmm... since my husband didnt wanna announce it, then i shall not spoil her plan
sth unexpected happened when we reached bugis
amazing n i really felt kinda honoured abt it! haha
shall post abt it if it really comes true.... wahahaha
mysterious? neh...
juz keeping the blog happening
wahaha


after tt, i went to husband's house for movie "grease"
oooOOOoohh... love tt show
n was late for cello... sigh...
die lah.. i wanna break my constant record of being late =p
shall try again next friday


but....
its wat happened during cello sectional tt got me surprised
indeed i was sad for the day but i dun believe my acting skills deteriorated tt drastically
it's like i kept myself being hyper as usual n yet...
Wilson could tell im different from any other days...
he guessed it right... i was upset onli deep within
how could he tell? i dun understand
he said i looked different.. ya... perhaps i was wearing contact lens
but he recognized its not the appearance tt was the matter
how can he see tru me? we aren't tt close at all... trust me, not at all
aside from tt, im glad wilson told me my intonation on cello was quite accurate
haha!! tt's really good to hear
n cello sectional was fruitful today! wahaha...
plus... wat i dress today is it out of the usual self, me?
y even mr lim was wondering i looked nicer today?
fine.. im uglier on the other days

free enneagram test

i will never be the same again

i will never be the same again
i can never return, I've closed the door
i will walk the path, I'll run the race
and i will never be the same again


fall like fire, soak like rain
flow like mighty waters again and again

sweep away the darkness, burn away the chaff

and let the flame burn to glorify your name


there are higher heights, there are deeper seas
whatever you do, Lord do in me
the glory of God fills my life
and i will never be the same again,
and i will never be the same again

job hunt!

ok.. i admit lah... i kinda like job-hopping
guess its becoz i havent found a job tt i quite like it...
oh well...

after quiting tt mundane job
its time to job hunt!!! yay
quite fun to hunt for jobs leh...
hehe... juz went hunting last night with my husband
really hope i can work in tt... gifts shop... issit gifts shop?
actually... i dunno... cuz they sell flowers as well as gifts n cards
but it seems refreshing
i wanna work there!! i wanna work in cd shops too!!
can smell flowers.. can watch movies while working...
wah.. hu dun wan.... i wan!!!
haha... okok shall post another entry another day or time..

day before yesterday > yesterday > today

baby Ya'An.. luv her lots!!
isnt she cute??


anyway,
shall start with friday!!!
dumb dumb gerald n wai hong nv come to my house for some fun
dumb no. 1 = gerald... hu came out with the crazy plan of playing dota together
dumb no. 2 = wai hong... funny fellow but couldnt come coz of production crew thingy
oh well... its ok, my husband n i juz enjoyed the MUDPIE
plus ps2 naruto game
plus movie "sawII" to watch
wahahhhaha... wat a fun day! yeah~
then i got cello... sigh...

yesterday juz wasnt my day...
overslept n made my husband wait an hr for me... sure kana from her
quitting our jobs was pretty easy
n then i was heading to church myself after tt
gosh.. waited for half an hr for my bus lah... n im so late
wat happened?
i kinda missed the whole band prac totally
they changed the time from 7 to 6pm n didnt tell me
still, i could only reach at 8pm... so... totally missed prac!
nvm... but i really thank God tt while i was waiting for my bus home alone
guess hu appeared to accompany me!
bert! haha.. he's so sweet...
he really really waited with me for my bus when he could hav juz cycle home for dinner
n God really noes how to tease my day manz
we waited for half an hr at the bus stop.. again
but i enjoyed his company... we seriously tokked alot
yup... juz when i tot my day couldnt hav gotten any better, i was reminded i hav frens
but.. my day ended late... i was still starving at 10pm coz food stalls were closed n i havent had dinner...
in the end, i ended up having fast food
guess guess wat i had!! kfc
n im amazed i didnt add a single gram this morning
oh oh... 1 more thing happened last night
there was this alright- looking guy boarding the same bus as me home
his eyes n mine met
n obviously i hav no reaction to him... but wat i realised was tt he kept looking at my direction
i sat a few seats behind him so he kept doing tt discreet turn juz to look back
to me, it was hilarious to see him turning so uncomfortably haha
but i kept my cool n tried to look clueless
then then... when its near my area, he was trying his best to check if i've alighted the bus by looking at ppl's feet walking to the exit
so funny... hahha
but no worries lah... he didnt follow me home... not a stalker.. phew
but it was an interesting sight when ur day doesnt seem to go ur way
ya... hahha ...still laughing while typing abt it=p


its youth sunday by the way
yes yes.. overslept again for service n was an hr late... again....
joined agpc service n decided not to sing for xian shi
wats really fruitful abt today is tt i get to tok to my teacher abt forgiveness
feels so blessed to hav her around tt i can consult her with any probs i face in life
forgiveness => let go => love
powerful... i wanna learn to forgive again... forgive tt some1 i so cherished
the other thing tt's fruitful is tt i've made some progress with my 3 piano pieces!!!
its gotten better... but i hav to hurry up coz i've onli a month more to prac
die.... muz chiong!!! constance jia you!

so happy for many things

oh so pretty... i wan!! haha

so happy...

i m trying to keep my blog interesting with my prompt entries n i did it....

wahaha... ok, maybe not tt interesting to u

but at least its kinda updated as compared to my old hi5 1... hahaha

so happy...

i will look a lil more teenager-like with the clothes my bro bought for me...

yay.. finally possessing clothes tt're appealing to my age... wahahah

juz for ur info, many ppl hav been telling me to change my dress style coz its too childish..

so happy...

finished my pmi project this morning at 4am+

but totally tired to wake up at 6am... no choice, cant afford to skip tut tt's at 8am

y would any1 wants to hav lessons at 8am man??

dumb dumb sch... y so early... haiz nvm

so happy...

saw sc with another gal!!! wahahha... super duper happy

no wonder he hasnt really been bothering me lately... this is good news man

n... its actually weird to see her tagging him instead of the other way round...

but anyway, i shud be happy for him... n MYSELF!! wahahah

still, kinda felt like he followed me to the bus stop though...

wat happened was tt carmen accompanied me to the bus stop

n i saw him walking alone with some distance behind me

u noe me, my normal reaction is to hide of coz... hehe

he paced around the area where he lost sight of me... gosh...

it was scary. yes

later on, tt gal appeared beside him... so ya..

its actually odd to see him so many times in a day u noe

hav been playing pinkpanther throughout the day

but im still happy.. wahaha he's not bothering me!! wahahah


so happy...
coz if u think tt there'll be more ppl tt's gonna bother me even though i managed to shooh sc away
u r so wrong...
im putting more barriers to my male circle of frens
another words, no more male frens for me ! yeah
so u guys out there better feel honoured tt u guys r known as my frens k!
hahha... juz kidding
shall resume to tt solemn attitude towards guys =p

so happy...

my husband accompanied me to des chalet last night!

heehee.. she's so sweet.

she accompanied me even though she's tired... luv her lots

n des kept feeding us with lots of food... its really crazy lah...

very large portion u noe!!! he's really stuffing us man

nvm abt tt

he really did the bbqing for us..

so he's often at the bbq while we sat around the tv watching some chinese drama

hehe... evil... n we r really not paying anything to the chalet

really like a free-loader haha

when its almost 10pm, des didnt wanna let me go

he took my hp as his hostage... n if u ever notice... i cant go home without my hp n pouch

he dragged the time, ordering me to eat the last satay for the day

i dread coz too full... but had to do it for the sake of going home...

so ya... ate it n finally reached home at 11pm+

ya... tt is also 1 of the reason y i had to start doing my project late

n... of coz my bro wanna finish up his dota, had to wait till 12am+ juz to use the com

still, im happy i got free food for dinner without worrying so much coz my husband is there

woohoo... husband, u rockz! luv u lots

so happy...

dan called yesterday asking me " eh u wanna work or not?"

i was so tempted to say "i wanna quit" but it's not the right time to announce tt

so i replied " y? u wan me to quit ah?"... ok... a lil to the line of quitting part.. hehe

but becoz he called while i was having lec, kinda shooh him away

yup... n i reject working on fri sat n sun 6pm...

it's like wan me to die ah? still got other projects to work on man...

plus cca, plus beauty slp, plus band, plus family... cannot lah..

ppl got life 1 lo

so happy...

gerald came up with an idea to play dota with carmen wai n me on fri

i so wanna go!! i wanna try play play as a noob (i need my beauty slp too... wahuhuh...)
yay!! can play together

so hu's house shud we play in??

hmm... its a mystery

stay tune to find out... wahahaha

so happy!! new shirts

wahaha...

so happy!! my bro justin did some shopping for me

he got me 6 shirts!! yay!!

i got new shirts... yay!!

haha... in the end, didnt do project last night...

too tired n too happy with my new shirts

wahahhaha...

ok shall really chiong tonight =p

project fever

oh im so happy!!! wahahha..

im on the right track for my pmi project...

was rushing since last night till this morning juz hoping to finish it up

guess wat... worked on it since 12am to 5am

fantastic right?

guess wat?

teacher extended the dateline...

haiz... nvm... im glad he checked mine n told me mine shud be able to pass...

though he juz mentioned a pass, still, it's good...

going for des chalet later....

really hope my husband would come along

sigh... kinda doubt she will come coz of her project...

oh well... will be rushing pmi project again tonight.. this time, it shall be neater

yeah!! OOoooOOOsh!!!

school starting in a few hrs time... tired abt it...

had been working on my project till late...
suddenly feel life is kinda meaningless if this trend is going to keep its pace
think i m near to losing her...

dining...

well.. becoz i so dread to meet up
i was an hr late for it... hehe... typical me...
but sadly, i couldnt dine with my husband although we were all in the same area.. wahuhuh...
y did u finish ur dinner so early??
nvm then... ok..
so des n me head out to makan sutra for dinner...
i had no preference for the selection of food there..
so he took orders to get me eating...
we got stingray, hokkien mee, n oyster
wow... n we took like hrs to finish them..
its expected coz i really wasnt in a good appetite to eat anything
ya.. in the end... we were there for abt 1 n a half hr eating...
goodness
but we do tok though...
abt the food
abt his chinese restaurant n blah...
n complaining abt aranda

i understand tt he's trying to keep me reminded tt eating is important
n i noe its out of goodwill he's doing all this...
still.. im not sure abt his real reason for doing all this
wat i would like to think of it is juz pure frenship bonding
since we haven't seen each other for almost a month i think

help me... i dread this night

aiya aiya aiya....
i cant believe im posting this but i m
coz im so reluctant to go for dinner with des
n really dreading the time to pass...

u muz be wondering how did i end up in this situation...
well of coz, i always hav my husband to protect me right?
for every invitation from guys i would tell them to ask my husband
this also allows me to get permission from my husband...
as u noe... my husband noes me well, she noes i dun wanna meet guys for leisure purposes
n so... i did e same thing to des... told him to ask my husband
guess wat? my husband is not available to go for dinner...
of coz i told him if husband not going, im not going...
he kinda 'threatened' me with him coming to sengkang in search of my location...
stalker... so scary... wah...
so to be fair,
i let my husband to do e decision by asking a very simple fate question ' a or b'
a = no , b = yes
she chose b... wahuhuhuh... apparently my telepathy power not strong enough.. sigh
i've gotta keep to my words n go for dinner with des...
oh man... i dread.. so dread...

job -> TPCO -> calculation -> i cant accept

wow... didnt hav e habit to blog but i'll try
anyway, im once again considered "jobless"
need to find a job... gosh...
n i admit im not feeling healthy this month
symptoms occured again...
im having constant headaches
trying to maintain my weight
giving myself a lil more rest than usual
but im still bleeding...
in a sense losing blood extremely easily
i dun mean gals period lah...
its like im bleeding with juz a minor scratch n stuff
yes... i noe all those frens of mine hav been telling me to take care
yes... i do but wat's e real cause of it?
n i still dun think im stressed...
in fact, think im too relaxed
look look.. my 2 master piece!!!









alright... bored... in sch... after mi meeting
suppose to work on my pmi project but i think i'll do tt in awhiles time



i've been thinking abt wat my cello sectional teacher said to me last fri...
im not so afraid to meet him now since he kinda noe tt i didnt really like him
but... im sure he's pretty alert abt my tots in regards to cello
i've been thinking of quitting TPCO due to e mistreatments to the other members
didnt like e idea of not anouncing their decision to the whole orchestra or sectional
n obviously, im 1 of those tt was e last to noe all the info all members r suppose to noe
felt totally cut off from this CCA
but mr lim did make a point tt its not worth giving up cello due to e arrangments in the committee
ya.. especially to some1 hu's so interested in performing music
im sad.. sad tt i cant perform in the concert tt's coming up on 24th june juz becoz i didnt noe
its a voluntary concert as according to mr lim
well... shant waste my sch fees not learning a new instru right?
i will stay on!!!!
this time, i'll show them i can perform n i will perform



lil worry abt staying on..
hmm... not trying to boast or anything but...
e cellists in my batch r kinda slow in picking up cello
i noe i should be patient n go along with the grp
but im afraid they might affect my hearing n tempo rhythm
i really can't slack off with my music sense coz i need tt dumb dumb cert in order to teach next yr
it'll ruined my plan in life
i cant afford tt right?
plus... i need to rush my piano to meet up with the examination standards by end of july!!!
i havent even mastered or memorised my 3 pieces yet!!
gosh... i dunno if i can make it in time...
muz chiong!!!!! yes muz chiong



another thing mr lim mentioned...
hmm... he told me to try open up to relationship
haiz... u muz be thinking y is this teacher so kpo right?
well, dun ask me, i've met quite a lot of kpo ppl in tp. haha....
but should i?
now isnt e right time right?
hmmm....lets calculate...
1. studies to keep up
2. work to balance finance
3. church to commit my time
4. bros to keep me attitude and character in shape
5. music to rush my cert
not a very good timing isnt it?
its sad for those hu r on my tail lah haiz...



im going so broke this month...
nat n bert better appreciate it man...



i've also been thinking n even think abt it in my dreams...

i juz cant accept linxi being my fren's bf...

i juz cant with due respect to my fren, i respect ur decision but pardon me...

i juz cant accept...

there's juz so much u dunno n tt u claimed u noe everything tru him

its the same all over when it was with cally

n i noe nat didnt really wanna tell me abt this coming

im used to being e last to noe anyway... tts wat i wonder...

wats e importance of this frenship?

y is there a need to make a pact abt consulting every1's view before accepting a guy if u r not going to abide to it?

some pics of the band n song leader

the going-on 18yrs old band members + song leader





haha... e fun part of is music fever!!!





e trio





the indian pose... wanna add on?





awe...









juz lying and lazing around








ppl in white... kinda like PAP supporters heh? hehe... too bad i was in red



oh oh... n i forgot to post my tail!! haha... here u go

if u think this way...

well, if u think i'm bothered abt aranda for not assigning me days to work
then i gotta tell u they've got quite a good reason to do tt:
- they now noe im searching for another job, probably will think i've got negative impression on them
- i didnt ask for more working days nor did i tell them my schedule, so it's really difficult for them to schedule me
- im a female, according to their stereotype thinking, gals r not so productive as compared to guys
- it'll be wise for them not to make me work so much coz now they noe im weak
- it'll put them on safe guard if im not around to work coz i might be a wrong influence to the other workers...
- i create unnecessary trouble... u noe lah... ppl helping me n blah... in e end im not really working but ppl helping me to work. wow

so as a disadvantage to me:
- lower income of coz... n im getting poorer again...
- getting such a treatment does make me think a lil more abt working
- will miss working with all the other part-timers... im missing shirleen, yinsheng, yanxian, gerald, waihong, tall dan, stella, n not forgetting... my HUSBAND!!! wahuhuhuh...

wat benefits:
- obey my husband like taking more rest n eating more at home
- got more time to look for jobs!!
- no need to listen to orders from managers... wahahaha
- catch up with my old pals
- more time for things i wanna do
- time for projects n meetings
- prepare presents for june babies

where did it all go wrong?

i dun understand...
n im beginning to think I'll nv will...
i've tried my best to improve
but it all seems a fraud
wat is going on?
wat hav i become?

i hid my tears away
n pretended that im ok
but it hurts to see the world changing
leaving u behind with all tts remaining
is this how it shud be?
is this wat i hav to go tru?

i've lost my past
trying to live with the present
n dream the future
im racing with time
how long will i last?
how much more will i bare?

wat can be done?
is this going to break me?
how m i to live tru it?
where did it all go wrong?

its getting better i hope

so many things to think abt...
i was abt to forget the pain i've been feeling since the day of our glory fall
when some1 reminded me of the situation tt im still in
it got me thinking pretty much
but at least... now...
my eldest bro is doing his part to contribute
im still looking for a job tt wouldnt harm my body as bad
mother is babysitting once again..
yup... things had gotten quite comforting when u r not the onli 1 working
knowing tt there'll be wider income for this month
think we can still make it next month
so... did we improve?
im not sure... all i noe is tt we r trying our best to sustain
n my mum refuses to use my money...
she's hoping tt mine would be a back up for sch fees...
dunno if its alright to put it this way
think i'll still use it if its necessary ba...

im so motivated!!!

haha...
im still up n awake at 3am!!
cant believe it... hehe
aiya... gotta study for term test mah...
thx to a study call from some1... i managed to wake up
now i realise alarm clock is not enough if i were to plan on waking at midnight to study
ok.. good.. did some study today!!!
feel so contented... haha

n carmen!
ur advice is so motivating!!!
i'll strive harder to disallow wat the manager hopes to achieve
wahahha.. yesh! muz jia you!!!
thx a lot
no doubt it'll be tough to accept the fact tt i'll get bullied n blah
still, need to grow some thick skin in the society
hai!.. i mustn't be defeated juz like tt
u r so right!

still waiting n wondering...

im so bored in sch now...
was late for tutorial (eemac)
guess wat time i entered...
9.44 am
hahha... can u imagine?? okok... very bad i noe...
n ya noe i was onli in class for 11 mins n class dismiss...
sigh... wat a waste of my time eh?
should hav stayed at home to rot.


anway, u muz be asking y im so late right?
coz... i was bathing...
onli when im abt to leave then i found out my ez-link card isnt with me
so... panic lah... then remembered my bro took my card yesterday
so... called him n make immediate appointment to meet him after my sch ends
ya... he's working in commonwealth lah!!!
sigh... no choice but to save money
so... im travelling there juz to get my card from him...
how dumb right?
guess this r some moments things cock up with ur siblings...
its kinda irritating at times but gotta adapt to it... hehe


n wat m i doing now????
im slacking in the library waiting for somebody to entertain me
i wonder hu... my dream guy quick appear!!! haha..
ya... quick appear n spare me all tt trouble to find u
spare me the irritation of guys on my tail..
defend away the guys hu wanna get touchy with me n blah...
where? where? where r u??
haiya.... crapping lah


basically, juz typing a post to pass time
quite entertaining though... haha...
n gerald appeared when i was typing " my dream guy quick appear"
gave me a fright loh... i gave a short scream when i realised his presence in the library, standing juz beside me lah
gosh... hope he didnt read much...
it'll be so embarrasing... hahaha...


it's 11am now... so bored... another hr to go... sigh...

n yay!!! im going to the concert with carmen tonight!!! wahahahha...
so exciting!!!

its a symphony by vjc
concert's at 7.30pm tonight...
its $10 per ticket but i got it for free
hehe.. ya.. given by my cello teacher
hehe...

problems after another

ok..
really felt encouraged to move on!
OOooosh! muz jia you!!!
now tt tuition has paused for abt a month, im gonna chiong for slp n studies!!!
yep, n since u say ur wife filial to parents, u muz too k???
n i'll ask for ur help
which is pretty soon...

ok...
now i achnowledge tt im in a trouble now..
wanna noe wat's bothering me right now?
im putting it in point forms so it's easier to see the whole picture

school project (MI)
situation:
im already in a team of 3 + 2 unconfirmed.
MI grp needs 4-5 in a grp wat
another grp of 3 approached me to join them coz they juz need another 1 to form a team
stress point:
to join the other grp of 3 or stay put in the 1 im in now... should i help?

family matters
situation:
all i noe is tt we r in countless debts.
my mum is hiding her feeling down her throat
but.. she got herself a baby to take now
it's confirmed coz she signed the papers. yup
my dad? dunno wat he does under daylight
he's out in the day n home in the night
stress point:
hav i contributed enough?
my bros already felt the strain with me n them
they think i work too much n had changed
then... mum was pretty angry with them playing all tt games instead of working
now... think they r frustrated with the word ' work'
n my bro is upset tt watever he earns goes to the family n not to himself for enjoyment
stress point:
how can i help my bros understand tt it's not the returns tt u expect ppl to give, after u hav helped them, tt's important? how can i tell them tt the family needs their contribution? main thing is, how can i tactfully tell them not to be selfish?

relationship problems (sc n des)
sc situation:
not buggin me tt much now... thank God
but he's still contactin me tru calls n sms n msn
stress point:
im trying my best to avoid meeting him in sch!!! wahhhh...
des situation:
he's buying things i didnt ask him to
he wanna 'take care' of me
in a sense, feeding me, cheering me on, concern.. etc
he seems like he doesnt mind going the extra mile to get things for me
stress point:
im out of excuse in meeting him. especially when he's living so near to workplace n sch
do i accept his gifts? wat do i do?



a gift given by him

wat's going on?

i tot everything was turning out well
but... y does my mum cry again?
y r ppl calling my house telling things tt would make my mum cry?
im trying my best to do wat i could to help out
will i ever get out of this mess??
will my family ever be freed from this debt?
i still wanna hope
i still wanna believe tt all this worries n troubles will soon fade n disappear
but in the midst of it
it feels like i do not have the sufficient strength to sustain till tt end
indeed, im aware my physical body is telling my mind tt sth terrible would happen if i keep pushing myself
symptoms have surfaced
can i still persevere? how long more?
im worried as well... my health may in turn become a big prob to the family
n then back to square 1 where im a burden again to the family
others think im stressing myself over nth tts of a big prob
they think im allowing stress to take over my tots
no... its not in this case.. coz if it is, i'll be in depression already
im trying to balance out my work, my studies, my health n my family matters. n now... this unwanted attention from guys
how m i going abt it?
i really dunno
i wanna solve this prob
i wan my mum to stop crying
i hope she'll be happy
will this ever be done?
i wish for a happy family.. is this too much to ask?
yes... im upset. coz this lil difference i made didnt make much fruitful outcome
best of all, i still hav no idea wat my dad is doing
i dun even noe if he's doing anything to help the family or himself...

crazily working overtime!!!!

wah... i really didnt expect myself to work tt late man!!!
do u noe tt i didnt even have the opportunity to touch my hp during work?

ok... basically, after lessons in sch(9am-11am) n lessons for piano(1pm-2.30pm), its really great to juz chill in husband's house since the weather has already burn up part of my skin

ok, im working at 6pm.. n i was onli a few mins early!!!
wahahaha... gerald owe me a drink!
ok, tt's beside the point.

working ppl:
michael
adam
daniel short
daniel tall
beng
desmond
gerald
n me (only gal working)

i was suppose to serve the floor, then michael sent me to the pooldeck
guess it's to help gerald n adam.
coz gerald actually set up the table n chairs at the pooldeck himself.
not sure if he did it alone, which i doubt, but it's really tiring for him
yup. pooldeck work was quite slacky
coz the ppl didnt really need anything...
i juz did pouring n clearing as usual.
however, i felt nausea again... y? i dunno...
n guess wat? floor no ppl till 9pm leh!!!
irritating... the 12 seater havent come at tt time.
so all the others were kinda slacking...
oh well... it's great working with gerald. i like!
hehe... he helped me alot
n so we actually finally started clearing the pooldeck at 11.30pm
u see... i noe the time coz there's a clock at the pooldeck.
but i juz cant get to my hp coz whenever i wanna go, i'll get called up for sth else to do...
n i had to set up table at the terrace with 3 sets of 20-seater tables with michael n daniel tall.
balancing the table is so tedious man...
anyway, i set up the default cutleries settings for those tables
n when i was a bt to finish, michael told me setting wrong..
wahuhuhuhuhuh... i had to re-do again!!!
thankfully, desmond n gerald came to help.
so it was pretty fast. n tts when husband called to tell me it's already 12am
then... when i wanna go to my hp again to check wat my hp had received, daniel tall call for me to do things again
wahuhuhuhuh... u see wat i mean?
finally, when all is done.... can go home!!!
then they start playing ghost stories abt the toilet so tt ppl dun dare to change their clothes in there
haha.. so lame.. i didnt change coz i was too tired
n coz every1 else is staying around pasir ris or tampines
they took a different cab back home.
onli beng n me stayed pretty far from workplace so we took a cab together
e 2 daniels didnt like it coz they think it's too dangerous to have me sent home by beng...
then again... they were too late to tell michael coz we left
gerald n desmond smsed me to check if im really home.
i was safely home last night! hahahaha

so.... im sure u wanna noe wat happened in e cab
i still do feel nausea.
did have those vomiting actions in front of beng which caused him to worry as well..
in cab, he juz left me alone to rest
we didnt tok at all. haha
so... too bad... no juicy stories to tell... haha

then... HOME SWEET HOME
end - slp

non-stop working

have been working non-stop this wk...
wow... super tiring when u hav assignments to complete as well
so... wat have i really been bz with?
tutoring all night from sunday to tuesday.
not forgetting assignments to complete during midnight
so... it's really quite taxing
thankfully, i've a rest on wed night due to sch cds
n then back to work on thurs which is today...
will be working tmr as well...

ok, abt today...
ppl working:
michael
adam
ys
beng
ken
yy
n me (only gal working)

i skipped my lec since there's no tutorials today
got myself working morning shift again in aranda
tiring? i'm not sure if it's really tt tiring....
however, i really dislike the function in the morning
function: air-force quadrant celebration
what yinshen would like to call it is sausage party
oh well... tt's him
still, so many guys lah...
n they r so flirtatious..
tt's y i dun like..
u noe what they did?
they make me pour their drinks many times n gives tt kinda of cheeky smiles
eeeee... another guy was playing with his camera
n he took a few shots of me without my consent
how rude!
i wanna tok it out with tt fellow but found no guts to since im onli a waitress
i had to let it be...
sadly, beng couldnt 'protect' me once again coz im stuck with yinshen at the heartbeat
ys kept bullying me lah...
wanting me to follow his orders...
like i will..
n without husband around to protect im being smacked at the back of my head by him
i cant return him a smack coz adam is looking... this juz sux
y muz all the managers be alert with my actions ?
so unfair ya noe?
i can onli resort to "behave"
beng was assigned to the action floor downstairs serving all the other customers
nvm lah... thankfully i felt quite alright today
tummy did ache a bit but managed to overcome it...
it's not stomach ache or cramps... its juz some parts of the internal organ aching...
didnt hav my medicine with me but my bro justin brought it over for me.
so sweet right??
n guess wat? beng wasnt there to see it lah...
so wasted... sigh...
wat's next?
hmmm... oh ya!!
there's these 2 new guys i was working with this morning
name was ken n... think was yy.. he told me to call him yy
anyway, i had lunch with ken alone
yup, my first time eating with a male from my workplace, alone
haha... we talked quite a lot... this is not very good
n he smokes.. =.=
he treated me to KFC
n got me into trouble coz we ate too long...
he didnt get scolded but i did
sigh... quite suay... no choice...

oh well, sch tmr then comes piano lesson in the afternoon
better start prac
will be working night shift on fri... wahahaha.. skipping cello prac
guess cello prac juz doesnt work for me...
cant perservere the monotonous of the way lessons are held and the aimless direction we r heading as juniors...
think tt's y i can simply juz skip it without feeling all tt guilty...

doc.... nooo....

ok...was suppose to visit SGH today...
dad changed plan..
in the end, i turn down my appointments in the afternoon for nth
wat a waste...
still, hahah... managed to attend my cello outing
so funny... we were at TM's pizza hut having dinner
we sabotaged terry to doing some forfeit tt requires him to approach a gal with his contact card
ahha... so funny.... took a video of it

me n ivan... i think.. or is it terry... haiya...

e pizzas we ordered

wilson

forfeit




e CARD...

3rd May 07 Thursday

wat happened today was tt i tot lessons was at 9am
so i was preparing myself at 7.15am then i realised my lessons starts at 8am!
how blur of me right? ya...
i rushed hoping tt i can catch up
however i waited for the bus n found myself still stuck in sengkang at 7.30am
so... it's quite obvious tt i cant make it... so i didnt head to sch
n becoz i weigh the situation
knowing tt i'm also very tired having headaches which will make me lose focus during class...
wat's the point?


then i went back home to slp for the whole morning...
ya noe... was thinking of going to e doc for mc n pills
cant believe my whole afternoon was spent in tt clinic loh..
n didnt know all tt small symptoms caused a big commotion
i told e doc i got...
headache for quite some time
fresh blood from stool
lost 6kg in a wks time
blood flow decreased
blur vision
he tot its odd for such things to happen so he tested my tummy if it hurts
n yes it does when he pressed on the right side
i didnt even noe tt it hurts man....
i mean... normally it doesnt. but it does in my case...
so he referred me to the doc in SGH plus ...
he took 2 bottles of my blood sample to test if i've got thyroids
results will be out in a wks time.


i discussed with my family
they wan me to go for the checkup
i sooooo dun wan....
its so tedious, time consuming n energy consuming...
i can be charge in hospital for the checkup u noe....
i dun wanna be admitted to hospital for even a day!
sigh... guess i'll be going after lessons tmr...
hope my results wont be tt complicated... wahuhuhuh

n look look..
my student drew this pic for me! so cute right?
she's so sweet

haha..
i pasted it on the cover of my organizer
yup... fits pretty well

confusion set my mind in a daze

gosh...
i dunno wat's going on with myself
consulted my bro abt my sarcasm n got myself deeply hurt
some1 else juz confided their feelings to me n m lost in decision making
im totally emotionally unstable right now
dunno if the things i do is right or wrong
dunno what to think coz unsure of wat i interpret is right
think i juz lost my self-identity...

have i been working my brains up for long hrs n forgotten e purpose as to y im doing all tt?
im searching myself ... but...
it all seemed like whatever i desire or want doesnt seem important to myself now...
hav i lost myself?
gosh... having a very bad headache...
i need some break!