problems after another

ok..
really felt encouraged to move on!
OOooosh! muz jia you!!!
now tt tuition has paused for abt a month, im gonna chiong for slp n studies!!!
yep, n since u say ur wife filial to parents, u muz too k???
n i'll ask for ur help
which is pretty soon...

ok...
now i achnowledge tt im in a trouble now..
wanna noe wat's bothering me right now?
im putting it in point forms so it's easier to see the whole picture

school project (MI)
situation:
im already in a team of 3 + 2 unconfirmed.
MI grp needs 4-5 in a grp wat
another grp of 3 approached me to join them coz they juz need another 1 to form a team
stress point:
to join the other grp of 3 or stay put in the 1 im in now... should i help?

family matters
situation:
all i noe is tt we r in countless debts.
my mum is hiding her feeling down her throat
but.. she got herself a baby to take now
it's confirmed coz she signed the papers. yup
my dad? dunno wat he does under daylight
he's out in the day n home in the night
stress point:
hav i contributed enough?
my bros already felt the strain with me n them
they think i work too much n had changed
then... mum was pretty angry with them playing all tt games instead of working
now... think they r frustrated with the word ' work'
n my bro is upset tt watever he earns goes to the family n not to himself for enjoyment
stress point:
how can i help my bros understand tt it's not the returns tt u expect ppl to give, after u hav helped them, tt's important? how can i tell them tt the family needs their contribution? main thing is, how can i tactfully tell them not to be selfish?

relationship problems (sc n des)
sc situation:
not buggin me tt much now... thank God
but he's still contactin me tru calls n sms n msn
stress point:
im trying my best to avoid meeting him in sch!!! wahhhh...
des situation:
he's buying things i didnt ask him to
he wanna 'take care' of me
in a sense, feeding me, cheering me on, concern.. etc
he seems like he doesnt mind going the extra mile to get things for me
stress point:
im out of excuse in meeting him. especially when he's living so near to workplace n sch
do i accept his gifts? wat do i do?



a gift given by him

wat's going on?

i tot everything was turning out well
but... y does my mum cry again?
y r ppl calling my house telling things tt would make my mum cry?
im trying my best to do wat i could to help out
will i ever get out of this mess??
will my family ever be freed from this debt?
i still wanna hope
i still wanna believe tt all this worries n troubles will soon fade n disappear
but in the midst of it
it feels like i do not have the sufficient strength to sustain till tt end
indeed, im aware my physical body is telling my mind tt sth terrible would happen if i keep pushing myself
symptoms have surfaced
can i still persevere? how long more?
im worried as well... my health may in turn become a big prob to the family
n then back to square 1 where im a burden again to the family
others think im stressing myself over nth tts of a big prob
they think im allowing stress to take over my tots
no... its not in this case.. coz if it is, i'll be in depression already
im trying to balance out my work, my studies, my health n my family matters. n now... this unwanted attention from guys
how m i going abt it?
i really dunno
i wanna solve this prob
i wan my mum to stop crying
i hope she'll be happy
will this ever be done?
i wish for a happy family.. is this too much to ask?
yes... im upset. coz this lil difference i made didnt make much fruitful outcome
best of all, i still hav no idea wat my dad is doing
i dun even noe if he's doing anything to help the family or himself...

crazily working overtime!!!!

wah... i really didnt expect myself to work tt late man!!!
do u noe tt i didnt even have the opportunity to touch my hp during work?

ok... basically, after lessons in sch(9am-11am) n lessons for piano(1pm-2.30pm), its really great to juz chill in husband's house since the weather has already burn up part of my skin

ok, im working at 6pm.. n i was onli a few mins early!!!
wahahaha... gerald owe me a drink!
ok, tt's beside the point.

working ppl:
michael
adam
daniel short
daniel tall
beng
desmond
gerald
n me (only gal working)

i was suppose to serve the floor, then michael sent me to the pooldeck
guess it's to help gerald n adam.
coz gerald actually set up the table n chairs at the pooldeck himself.
not sure if he did it alone, which i doubt, but it's really tiring for him
yup. pooldeck work was quite slacky
coz the ppl didnt really need anything...
i juz did pouring n clearing as usual.
however, i felt nausea again... y? i dunno...
n guess wat? floor no ppl till 9pm leh!!!
irritating... the 12 seater havent come at tt time.
so all the others were kinda slacking...
oh well... it's great working with gerald. i like!
hehe... he helped me alot
n so we actually finally started clearing the pooldeck at 11.30pm
u see... i noe the time coz there's a clock at the pooldeck.
but i juz cant get to my hp coz whenever i wanna go, i'll get called up for sth else to do...
n i had to set up table at the terrace with 3 sets of 20-seater tables with michael n daniel tall.
balancing the table is so tedious man...
anyway, i set up the default cutleries settings for those tables
n when i was a bt to finish, michael told me setting wrong..
wahuhuhuhuhuh... i had to re-do again!!!
thankfully, desmond n gerald came to help.
so it was pretty fast. n tts when husband called to tell me it's already 12am
then... when i wanna go to my hp again to check wat my hp had received, daniel tall call for me to do things again
wahuhuhuhuh... u see wat i mean?
finally, when all is done.... can go home!!!
then they start playing ghost stories abt the toilet so tt ppl dun dare to change their clothes in there
haha.. so lame.. i didnt change coz i was too tired
n coz every1 else is staying around pasir ris or tampines
they took a different cab back home.
onli beng n me stayed pretty far from workplace so we took a cab together
e 2 daniels didnt like it coz they think it's too dangerous to have me sent home by beng...
then again... they were too late to tell michael coz we left
gerald n desmond smsed me to check if im really home.
i was safely home last night! hahahaha

so.... im sure u wanna noe wat happened in e cab
i still do feel nausea.
did have those vomiting actions in front of beng which caused him to worry as well..
in cab, he juz left me alone to rest
we didnt tok at all. haha
so... too bad... no juicy stories to tell... haha

then... HOME SWEET HOME
end - slp

non-stop working

have been working non-stop this wk...
wow... super tiring when u hav assignments to complete as well
so... wat have i really been bz with?
tutoring all night from sunday to tuesday.
not forgetting assignments to complete during midnight
so... it's really quite taxing
thankfully, i've a rest on wed night due to sch cds
n then back to work on thurs which is today...
will be working tmr as well...

ok, abt today...
ppl working:
michael
adam
ys
beng
ken
yy
n me (only gal working)

i skipped my lec since there's no tutorials today
got myself working morning shift again in aranda
tiring? i'm not sure if it's really tt tiring....
however, i really dislike the function in the morning
function: air-force quadrant celebration
what yinshen would like to call it is sausage party
oh well... tt's him
still, so many guys lah...
n they r so flirtatious..
tt's y i dun like..
u noe what they did?
they make me pour their drinks many times n gives tt kinda of cheeky smiles
eeeee... another guy was playing with his camera
n he took a few shots of me without my consent
how rude!
i wanna tok it out with tt fellow but found no guts to since im onli a waitress
i had to let it be...
sadly, beng couldnt 'protect' me once again coz im stuck with yinshen at the heartbeat
ys kept bullying me lah...
wanting me to follow his orders...
like i will..
n without husband around to protect im being smacked at the back of my head by him
i cant return him a smack coz adam is looking... this juz sux
y muz all the managers be alert with my actions ?
so unfair ya noe?
i can onli resort to "behave"
beng was assigned to the action floor downstairs serving all the other customers
nvm lah... thankfully i felt quite alright today
tummy did ache a bit but managed to overcome it...
it's not stomach ache or cramps... its juz some parts of the internal organ aching...
didnt hav my medicine with me but my bro justin brought it over for me.
so sweet right??
n guess wat? beng wasnt there to see it lah...
so wasted... sigh...
wat's next?
hmmm... oh ya!!
there's these 2 new guys i was working with this morning
name was ken n... think was yy.. he told me to call him yy
anyway, i had lunch with ken alone
yup, my first time eating with a male from my workplace, alone
haha... we talked quite a lot... this is not very good
n he smokes.. =.=
he treated me to KFC
n got me into trouble coz we ate too long...
he didnt get scolded but i did
sigh... quite suay... no choice...

oh well, sch tmr then comes piano lesson in the afternoon
better start prac
will be working night shift on fri... wahahaha.. skipping cello prac
guess cello prac juz doesnt work for me...
cant perservere the monotonous of the way lessons are held and the aimless direction we r heading as juniors...
think tt's y i can simply juz skip it without feeling all tt guilty...

doc.... nooo....

ok...was suppose to visit SGH today...
dad changed plan..
in the end, i turn down my appointments in the afternoon for nth
wat a waste...
still, hahah... managed to attend my cello outing
so funny... we were at TM's pizza hut having dinner
we sabotaged terry to doing some forfeit tt requires him to approach a gal with his contact card
ahha... so funny.... took a video of it

me n ivan... i think.. or is it terry... haiya...

e pizzas we ordered

wilson

forfeit




e CARD...

3rd May 07 Thursday

wat happened today was tt i tot lessons was at 9am
so i was preparing myself at 7.15am then i realised my lessons starts at 8am!
how blur of me right? ya...
i rushed hoping tt i can catch up
however i waited for the bus n found myself still stuck in sengkang at 7.30am
so... it's quite obvious tt i cant make it... so i didnt head to sch
n becoz i weigh the situation
knowing tt i'm also very tired having headaches which will make me lose focus during class...
wat's the point?


then i went back home to slp for the whole morning...
ya noe... was thinking of going to e doc for mc n pills
cant believe my whole afternoon was spent in tt clinic loh..
n didnt know all tt small symptoms caused a big commotion
i told e doc i got...
headache for quite some time
fresh blood from stool
lost 6kg in a wks time
blood flow decreased
blur vision
he tot its odd for such things to happen so he tested my tummy if it hurts
n yes it does when he pressed on the right side
i didnt even noe tt it hurts man....
i mean... normally it doesnt. but it does in my case...
so he referred me to the doc in SGH plus ...
he took 2 bottles of my blood sample to test if i've got thyroids
results will be out in a wks time.


i discussed with my family
they wan me to go for the checkup
i sooooo dun wan....
its so tedious, time consuming n energy consuming...
i can be charge in hospital for the checkup u noe....
i dun wanna be admitted to hospital for even a day!
sigh... guess i'll be going after lessons tmr...
hope my results wont be tt complicated... wahuhuhuh

n look look..
my student drew this pic for me! so cute right?
she's so sweet

haha..
i pasted it on the cover of my organizer
yup... fits pretty well

confusion set my mind in a daze

gosh...
i dunno wat's going on with myself
consulted my bro abt my sarcasm n got myself deeply hurt
some1 else juz confided their feelings to me n m lost in decision making
im totally emotionally unstable right now
dunno if the things i do is right or wrong
dunno what to think coz unsure of wat i interpret is right
think i juz lost my self-identity...

have i been working my brains up for long hrs n forgotten e purpose as to y im doing all tt?
im searching myself ... but...
it all seemed like whatever i desire or want doesnt seem important to myself now...
hav i lost myself?
gosh... having a very bad headache...
i need some break!