i'm really sorry, i won't be around for some time now. suddenly, i just lost the reason and purpose to write any more.
until i find a reason to, i shall stay passive for now.
love,
author of this blog
it was terrible!!! i'm glad that my music sense with all that preparation yesterday morning did help me pretty much.
i thought singing would be my problem so i had to practice and practice. yes it didnt became a problem during the audition. yay!!
however, my acting... my part... my role...
goodness i have been targeted and shot back by my weakness! that's why its terrible.
the judges gave me a role: you had a crush on a guy and you are too shy to confide it
it took me quite a while to think and process the feelings. apparently, it all came to a naught. i ended up 'copying' the very standard old fasion school girl idea that is to write a love letter confessing my feelings. sigh... it was... acted out without any feelings because i never encountered such feelings before. wahuhuhuhuh..
i think i did a very bad job cuz i dun understand the role. is like, on my mind i was constantly wondering why is there a need to hide? to be shy?
gosh...
tmr is it!!! so scary and so exciting!! wow...
entering this musical audition took me a large step from my comfort zone to pursue what i really like to do
is this alright? that is the question i always ponder when i only think of what i want.
i always fear to decide on things that i want; involve in the things that i want, create and produce the things that i want. the biggest barrier is to question myself before i go all the way.
i ever did that decision once and i know i did it well when i was in sec 1. however, my path was being shattered by the lost hope of the continuity of the event and therefore, left.
thinking back now, is all worth it?
ya... it is worth it to let it be a good memory and to know that i have the capability. but its not worth it enough because i'll be leaving all that dreams and adventure behind.
right now, i'm going to grab it back and see if i really do have those quality once more.
to be able to sing and act is not the skill i was looking but instead it is the courage i always long for to stand in front of thousands and millions of people watching me perform. not forgetting the overly committed me to enjoy all that fellowship with my frens during the production preparations.
that was what i was breathing in when i acted in sec 1 for a musical concert as well as on tv.
what is it that i'm looking for right now?
i must say, i'm not aiming for a lead character. i just wanna know that there are people supportive of me acting. i love performing since young you know?
perhaps the skill that i wanna achieve is to be confident. self confidence; that i can do it as long as i know where i stand. and of course , get back in touch with feelings again...
unfortunately, gerald didnt think much of it nor do i wanna boast about it. he didnt even know the song i was preparing for on the day before the audition. not only was he ignorant about it, he didn't even offer any tips on singing... yet he knows that i have this audition to go. i would expect a lot of people to be shocked if i told them i'm working on a concert. don't really wan anyone to know cuz its really, nth. i guess its really nth, even to those that knows... however, i'm glad that at least my bro amos supports me by giving his thoughts and opinions when i sang to him. its already great enough...
i think, i hope...
finally i'm getting better now.however, i have been getting sick real often this year. could it be gerald as the main source of all my illnesses since he's so prone to sickness? sigh... oh well, i'm happy i'm much better today, so i'm SOOOOOOOOO HAPpYalright going back to school worries me because i have skipped 2 lessons alr. you know that feeling of fearing you can't catch up with everyone? it sucksso much that i wanna go back to school, yet afraid that its too much to handle since there's so little time. sigh again. this has gotta stop. i must not be LAZYanother thing is, all my friends around me are either driving or learning driving.
should i join in the gang as well? i know there'll e lots of benefits to it, however, i really fear accidents. i wonder why too.. should i learn? since i should have more time from school when i'm exempted from 2 modules! i just love that fact.
another worry would be with regards to campus cell. apparently, not everyone is committed to it. as i have suspected, the sense of belonging is not there, thus people don't feel like attending since they are 'not needed' to. i need to assign responsibilities as its tough for me, alone, to handle the coordinations as well as the duties. i need help... i need real help.