this post is dedicated to Carmen

i must say, throughout all this while when i face the tough times and the best times of my life, as to date, i really appreciate how my beloved girl friend had made her footprints visible and distinct in all this episodes of my life story. i think about it, i see that i'm really fortunate to have such a friend to back me up when i'm totally pathetic, to see the positive out of the negative point of view, to teach me to relax and enjoy life as troubles and worries pace up at my doorsteps and to give me some of her warm advice.

i really want to make this known because i'm simply proud of the friendship we shared, your footprints in my life had made a great contribution to where i am now. indeed, when i'm stressed up, i do unusual stuffs and you were there to try calm me down and make things work out in a positive manner. i guess this is the toughest job ever because not even gerald can do that. he simply just go with the flow instead of solving the problem itself.

what's more? you let me know that i am also important in your life, in a subtle way, be it the different lifestyle that we are living in now, you still care for me. also, you would always want to meet me up despite the fact that i'm boring and always busy. when you have problems, you gave me a space to voice my opinions and you take them into your own considerations, allowing me to fulfill 1 simple basic objective of friendship from a common phrase "what're friends for?"

it's just irritating that those letters i wrote you are stuck in a bottle. i guess i gotta wait for you to return before i could pass them to you. sad...

jusy wanna say a big Thank You! you really are a great friend

oh no!!! hermits facing death!

gerald's hermit crab passed away last night! can you believe? now i really wonder if i have the skill or the required basic cabitat for my 3 little buddies to stay alive and wander around. indeed, marine animals are hard to please. but one thing remains a mystery, why did gerald's hermit crab died given the cabitat? is it the lack of sun since the shore is always facing the sun's glare? or food? or temperature?

gotta stay strong constance!!!

'Let others lead small lives, argue over small things, cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else's hands, but not you'

- Jim Rohn

i have always believed that you, as a host of your life, should be responsible of all the things you do and be courageous to face the consequences that will subsequently follow with all the decisions made. the words that you say, the things and actions you do, the lapse of time when things are suppose to happen, it's all connected and contributed to how people gather their impression of you. so be sure of who you are, what you can do and not do, how you want others to know you and what they should gather impressions of you because every little step has a slack risk of making misinterpretations.

this is just who you are, the more you push your limit, the more it'll hurt. but just bear with it for the sake of everyone, it'll be over before you knew it. there is a greater purpose in where you are although it may look as if it's not where you belong.

ps. not directing to anyone in case you don't realize. it's just how constance would face the problem with a clear mind and she needs reminders when she's not composed.

3 hermit crab from gerald

when i thought my hermit crab lives like how Nat's hermit crab lived, i was wrong. i checked out the internet and they stated that land hermit crabs do eat egg shells for meals, it didn't work on mine. so what are they?? one thing i observed is that they like submerging themselves in water, so i check the internet out for more information on tidal or marine hermit crabs. more confusion arise as there isn't much information about it, so based on pictures, i assumed my hermit crab is part of the species in marine areas and of course, gave them water to submerge themselves. yup, they are happy now. i think they got too comfortable with the area in fact.

i have officially name this fellow 'Greedie' because he's been stealing food from all the other hermit crabs. how do i tame this fellow? in fact, he's also always bully the other fellows that were bunking with him in the same tank. gosh... i'm really worried that it'll pinch one of their limbs off during a fight man.

this is "chirpy". kinda named him that because he's the first to chirp among the 3 musketeers. well, he's always bullied by greedie since he's smaller in size compared to greedie. nothing much about him so far other than the fact that he likes to pester greedie for no reason. perhaps he's just being territorial?

finally, "scaredee" is the only girl i have discovered so far who was pregnant for the past week until yesterday, she gave birth to lots of larvae babies. so what's with the name? as you can see the picture above, she's always hiding her head in her shell with a pair of eyes sticking out. don't really know why she's so timid though. few days ago, she was bubbling. i was so worried that she would die since it's the sign of all dead crabs before their death. i checked out the internet and got to know that these crabs bubble mainly because they needed more moisture on their body under the wrong humidity and temperature. to get that, they bubble. otherwise, it's just stress. cool fact heh?

here's the larvae that scaredee gave birth to. initially i thought it looked like mosquito larvae trying to survive in her cabitat but i just psycho-ed myself that it's not. until now, i'm still quite uncertain if it's mosquito larvae or hermit crab larvae. oh well, gotta wait till it grows to a pupa. take a closer look with my small magnifying glass down below.

feeling lousy: i don't wanna grow up

was feeling rather upset today despite the fact that my group had finally finished the marketing project that lasted for a substantial torturous number of months. was once again feeling the loneliness when the group starts chattering, i realized i have nothing much to chat with them. part of the main reason is that they speak chinese and use a different wavelength as me. or perhaps their interests doesn't interest me at all that causes the barrier to speak a word during their social conversation. i tried and i tried real hard but i guess they don't see it. i always felt that barrier when i'm with them but not so much in fpa. why is that so?? i really feel lousy to have no real friends that i can call 'friends' in school. all of them are just acquaintances who are constantly trying HDs by all means. i wanted to hate my life but i know that won't do me good, in the first place, i'm the one that makes decisions in my life and by hating my life makes life seems meaningless.

i also figure out that i like being childish because i wanna capture what have been lost in my youthful days even though i'm aging day by day. however, this characteristic puts me in a disposition among my peers as they would not enjoy doing what i like best. see what i mean? how can i find friends that i would enjoy their company with and with the same frequency? and the closest to that would be gerald's group of friends without a doubt. but everytime i join his gang, i'll feel some sort of difference that took me a while to realize it. his gang share times together in camps, courses and workshops as well as planning and commitments that i cannot participate. you know how sucky that feels? it's the same as your group of friends having fun out there without you just because you are not allowed to come along. you know what? i rather not know the fun they will be experiencing cause it hurts. it will hurt badly...

what's more, my girlfriend had been going overseas for all the fun and sight seeing while im here in singapore facing all the odds myself. i really hate it..

what i'm left to do now is to bond with my new post in fpa and church camp commitment, and of cause this dreadful studies of mine.

how to study???

just thought this pictures is funny and creepy. oh well, trying to get myself to study but dun think the time i spent was productive today. gosh... i wanna do well for exams but how to do that at this rate???

i.. M... IN!!!!! WoooHoooo~

you must be wondering what other time-consuming commitment have i got myself into right?

about a month ago, i had this interview for an executive committee post in Film & Performing Arts and was hoping to be the president of that cca but because my producer scared us with all the responsibilities a president hold in SIM, i kinda changed my decision and went for the producer post as my first and president the second choice.

and the results!!! it is finally out... haha

just had a meeting this tuesday to know our post in this cca and then they revealed the 0h-so-very-long-awaited result. and yes, i got PRODUCER post!! haha.. it's somewhat like production manager where it focuses more a major project that the output of it has to be grand and impactful. i don't where do i begin man... i'm just waiting for my producer to give me some starters...

also, another thing that made me real glad was the revision of economics where i was really upset that all my friends got the same kind of answer for the mcq test 2 except myself. i was so worried that i would fail this time round because i didn't have enough to catch up with what i've missed out and actually cried after taking the test. what's interesting is the revision today, lecturer went through the test questions and my friends realized that they had made a number of mistakes in the test, this also means that i have a higher chance of getting my answers right!! haha...

then came the night.

i thought it was a screwed up day today where i planned to go carmen's house but yet my uni friend needed accompaniment in sengkang since he's got some time to spare and isn't very sure about this place. so i did project work in school for quite some time when i thought it would only take a while. and then brought my friend to sengkang. my gor called to meet me at compass to do something that i wasn't informed of, it was a command that means i can't see carmen. carmen said i could have gotten a free entry to watch "titans" with the benefit from her dad and that she met liwei marcus and wai hong who are also watching the same show which i presume the same time slot. gosh, i felt so terrible hearing that man. this is the time where i was irritated with myself because i don't get to do what i wanna do if i wanna be some one good. it's like i started harboring this thought that it's my life and i should learn to live the way i want it, after all it's the only life i'm living.

after what happened tonight i can assure you that living a life that you desire is never a satisfaction and it'll only turn out to be a life wasted because it's heading to no particular direction without any purpose and reason.

although i have realised the opportunity lost to bond with my friends, something touching occurred. i met my bros after my friend left me for his other appointment. i was only in thought of dinner because i haven't eaten yet but gor brought me to metro and made me choose 2 very expensive bras for myself as a gift from him. he did this on the day when he received his pay from his work as he knows that i have very little of it and most are old, not my size any more, didn't want me to have a potential in getting breast cancer. you know, my mum don't do shopping with me with regards to this, that's why its touching that my gor cast aside his ego to shop with me and even bought me expensive goods on his pay day!

you see, you may be thinking its fortunate to have siblings in the family but not every siblings in a family behaves like this. and think about it, if i really went my way to do what i wanted, i would miss this precious time to bond with my bros and receive their love for me. in a larger scale, if i insisted in going along with my desires, i would have forgone all that surprises and blessings that every one else had prepared for me, wasting their effort as well.

some times, it's really not about what you want, it's what others want to bless you with that would make you appreciate life a little more. so receive and accept joyfully people reading this...

as for me, i don't wanna live a selfish life, i wanna dedicate this life into serving God and loving his people.