so happy for many things

oh so pretty... i wan!! haha

so happy...

i m trying to keep my blog interesting with my prompt entries n i did it....

wahaha... ok, maybe not tt interesting to u

but at least its kinda updated as compared to my old hi5 1... hahaha

so happy...

i will look a lil more teenager-like with the clothes my bro bought for me...

yay.. finally possessing clothes tt're appealing to my age... wahahah

juz for ur info, many ppl hav been telling me to change my dress style coz its too childish..

so happy...

finished my pmi project this morning at 4am+

but totally tired to wake up at 6am... no choice, cant afford to skip tut tt's at 8am

y would any1 wants to hav lessons at 8am man??

dumb dumb sch... y so early... haiz nvm

so happy...

saw sc with another gal!!! wahahha... super duper happy

no wonder he hasnt really been bothering me lately... this is good news man

n... its actually weird to see her tagging him instead of the other way round...

but anyway, i shud be happy for him... n MYSELF!! wahahah

still, kinda felt like he followed me to the bus stop though...

wat happened was tt carmen accompanied me to the bus stop

n i saw him walking alone with some distance behind me

u noe me, my normal reaction is to hide of coz... hehe

he paced around the area where he lost sight of me... gosh...

it was scary. yes

later on, tt gal appeared beside him... so ya..

its actually odd to see him so many times in a day u noe

hav been playing pinkpanther throughout the day

but im still happy.. wahaha he's not bothering me!! wahahah


so happy...
coz if u think tt there'll be more ppl tt's gonna bother me even though i managed to shooh sc away
u r so wrong...
im putting more barriers to my male circle of frens
another words, no more male frens for me ! yeah
so u guys out there better feel honoured tt u guys r known as my frens k!
hahha... juz kidding
shall resume to tt solemn attitude towards guys =p

so happy...

my husband accompanied me to des chalet last night!

heehee.. she's so sweet.

she accompanied me even though she's tired... luv her lots

n des kept feeding us with lots of food... its really crazy lah...

very large portion u noe!!! he's really stuffing us man

nvm abt tt

he really did the bbqing for us..

so he's often at the bbq while we sat around the tv watching some chinese drama

hehe... evil... n we r really not paying anything to the chalet

really like a free-loader haha

when its almost 10pm, des didnt wanna let me go

he took my hp as his hostage... n if u ever notice... i cant go home without my hp n pouch

he dragged the time, ordering me to eat the last satay for the day

i dread coz too full... but had to do it for the sake of going home...

so ya... ate it n finally reached home at 11pm+

ya... tt is also 1 of the reason y i had to start doing my project late

n... of coz my bro wanna finish up his dota, had to wait till 12am+ juz to use the com

still, im happy i got free food for dinner without worrying so much coz my husband is there

woohoo... husband, u rockz! luv u lots

so happy...

dan called yesterday asking me " eh u wanna work or not?"

i was so tempted to say "i wanna quit" but it's not the right time to announce tt

so i replied " y? u wan me to quit ah?"... ok... a lil to the line of quitting part.. hehe

but becoz he called while i was having lec, kinda shooh him away

yup... n i reject working on fri sat n sun 6pm...

it's like wan me to die ah? still got other projects to work on man...

plus cca, plus beauty slp, plus band, plus family... cannot lah..

ppl got life 1 lo

so happy...

gerald came up with an idea to play dota with carmen wai n me on fri

i so wanna go!! i wanna try play play as a noob (i need my beauty slp too... wahuhuh...)
yay!! can play together

so hu's house shud we play in??

hmm... its a mystery

stay tune to find out... wahahaha

so happy!! new shirts

wahaha...

so happy!! my bro justin did some shopping for me

he got me 6 shirts!! yay!!

i got new shirts... yay!!

haha... in the end, didnt do project last night...

too tired n too happy with my new shirts

wahahhaha...

ok shall really chiong tonight =p

project fever

oh im so happy!!! wahahha..

im on the right track for my pmi project...

was rushing since last night till this morning juz hoping to finish it up

guess wat... worked on it since 12am to 5am

fantastic right?

guess wat?

teacher extended the dateline...

haiz... nvm... im glad he checked mine n told me mine shud be able to pass...

though he juz mentioned a pass, still, it's good...

going for des chalet later....

really hope my husband would come along

sigh... kinda doubt she will come coz of her project...

oh well... will be rushing pmi project again tonight.. this time, it shall be neater

yeah!! OOoooOOOsh!!!

school starting in a few hrs time... tired abt it...

had been working on my project till late...
suddenly feel life is kinda meaningless if this trend is going to keep its pace
think i m near to losing her...

dining...

well.. becoz i so dread to meet up
i was an hr late for it... hehe... typical me...
but sadly, i couldnt dine with my husband although we were all in the same area.. wahuhuh...
y did u finish ur dinner so early??
nvm then... ok..
so des n me head out to makan sutra for dinner...
i had no preference for the selection of food there..
so he took orders to get me eating...
we got stingray, hokkien mee, n oyster
wow... n we took like hrs to finish them..
its expected coz i really wasnt in a good appetite to eat anything
ya.. in the end... we were there for abt 1 n a half hr eating...
goodness
but we do tok though...
abt the food
abt his chinese restaurant n blah...
n complaining abt aranda

i understand tt he's trying to keep me reminded tt eating is important
n i noe its out of goodwill he's doing all this...
still.. im not sure abt his real reason for doing all this
wat i would like to think of it is juz pure frenship bonding
since we haven't seen each other for almost a month i think

help me... i dread this night

aiya aiya aiya....
i cant believe im posting this but i m
coz im so reluctant to go for dinner with des
n really dreading the time to pass...

u muz be wondering how did i end up in this situation...
well of coz, i always hav my husband to protect me right?
for every invitation from guys i would tell them to ask my husband
this also allows me to get permission from my husband...
as u noe... my husband noes me well, she noes i dun wanna meet guys for leisure purposes
n so... i did e same thing to des... told him to ask my husband
guess wat? my husband is not available to go for dinner...
of coz i told him if husband not going, im not going...
he kinda 'threatened' me with him coming to sengkang in search of my location...
stalker... so scary... wah...
so to be fair,
i let my husband to do e decision by asking a very simple fate question ' a or b'
a = no , b = yes
she chose b... wahuhuhuh... apparently my telepathy power not strong enough.. sigh
i've gotta keep to my words n go for dinner with des...
oh man... i dread.. so dread...

job -> TPCO -> calculation -> i cant accept

wow... didnt hav e habit to blog but i'll try
anyway, im once again considered "jobless"
need to find a job... gosh...
n i admit im not feeling healthy this month
symptoms occured again...
im having constant headaches
trying to maintain my weight
giving myself a lil more rest than usual
but im still bleeding...
in a sense losing blood extremely easily
i dun mean gals period lah...
its like im bleeding with juz a minor scratch n stuff
yes... i noe all those frens of mine hav been telling me to take care
yes... i do but wat's e real cause of it?
n i still dun think im stressed...
in fact, think im too relaxed
look look.. my 2 master piece!!!









alright... bored... in sch... after mi meeting
suppose to work on my pmi project but i think i'll do tt in awhiles time



i've been thinking abt wat my cello sectional teacher said to me last fri...
im not so afraid to meet him now since he kinda noe tt i didnt really like him
but... im sure he's pretty alert abt my tots in regards to cello
i've been thinking of quitting TPCO due to e mistreatments to the other members
didnt like e idea of not anouncing their decision to the whole orchestra or sectional
n obviously, im 1 of those tt was e last to noe all the info all members r suppose to noe
felt totally cut off from this CCA
but mr lim did make a point tt its not worth giving up cello due to e arrangments in the committee
ya.. especially to some1 hu's so interested in performing music
im sad.. sad tt i cant perform in the concert tt's coming up on 24th june juz becoz i didnt noe
its a voluntary concert as according to mr lim
well... shant waste my sch fees not learning a new instru right?
i will stay on!!!!
this time, i'll show them i can perform n i will perform



lil worry abt staying on..
hmm... not trying to boast or anything but...
e cellists in my batch r kinda slow in picking up cello
i noe i should be patient n go along with the grp
but im afraid they might affect my hearing n tempo rhythm
i really can't slack off with my music sense coz i need tt dumb dumb cert in order to teach next yr
it'll ruined my plan in life
i cant afford tt right?
plus... i need to rush my piano to meet up with the examination standards by end of july!!!
i havent even mastered or memorised my 3 pieces yet!!
gosh... i dunno if i can make it in time...
muz chiong!!!!! yes muz chiong



another thing mr lim mentioned...
hmm... he told me to try open up to relationship
haiz... u muz be thinking y is this teacher so kpo right?
well, dun ask me, i've met quite a lot of kpo ppl in tp. haha....
but should i?
now isnt e right time right?
hmmm....lets calculate...
1. studies to keep up
2. work to balance finance
3. church to commit my time
4. bros to keep me attitude and character in shape
5. music to rush my cert
not a very good timing isnt it?
its sad for those hu r on my tail lah haiz...



im going so broke this month...
nat n bert better appreciate it man...



i've also been thinking n even think abt it in my dreams...

i juz cant accept linxi being my fren's bf...

i juz cant with due respect to my fren, i respect ur decision but pardon me...

i juz cant accept...

there's juz so much u dunno n tt u claimed u noe everything tru him

its the same all over when it was with cally

n i noe nat didnt really wanna tell me abt this coming

im used to being e last to noe anyway... tts wat i wonder...

wats e importance of this frenship?

y is there a need to make a pact abt consulting every1's view before accepting a guy if u r not going to abide to it?

some pics of the band n song leader

the going-on 18yrs old band members + song leader





haha... e fun part of is music fever!!!





e trio





the indian pose... wanna add on?





awe...









juz lying and lazing around








ppl in white... kinda like PAP supporters heh? hehe... too bad i was in red



oh oh... n i forgot to post my tail!! haha... here u go

if u think this way...

well, if u think i'm bothered abt aranda for not assigning me days to work
then i gotta tell u they've got quite a good reason to do tt:
- they now noe im searching for another job, probably will think i've got negative impression on them
- i didnt ask for more working days nor did i tell them my schedule, so it's really difficult for them to schedule me
- im a female, according to their stereotype thinking, gals r not so productive as compared to guys
- it'll be wise for them not to make me work so much coz now they noe im weak
- it'll put them on safe guard if im not around to work coz i might be a wrong influence to the other workers...
- i create unnecessary trouble... u noe lah... ppl helping me n blah... in e end im not really working but ppl helping me to work. wow

so as a disadvantage to me:
- lower income of coz... n im getting poorer again...
- getting such a treatment does make me think a lil more abt working
- will miss working with all the other part-timers... im missing shirleen, yinsheng, yanxian, gerald, waihong, tall dan, stella, n not forgetting... my HUSBAND!!! wahuhuhuh...

wat benefits:
- obey my husband like taking more rest n eating more at home
- got more time to look for jobs!!
- no need to listen to orders from managers... wahahaha
- catch up with my old pals
- more time for things i wanna do
- time for projects n meetings
- prepare presents for june babies

where did it all go wrong?

i dun understand...
n im beginning to think I'll nv will...
i've tried my best to improve
but it all seems a fraud
wat is going on?
wat hav i become?

i hid my tears away
n pretended that im ok
but it hurts to see the world changing
leaving u behind with all tts remaining
is this how it shud be?
is this wat i hav to go tru?

i've lost my past
trying to live with the present
n dream the future
im racing with time
how long will i last?
how much more will i bare?

wat can be done?
is this going to break me?
how m i to live tru it?
where did it all go wrong?

its getting better i hope

so many things to think abt...
i was abt to forget the pain i've been feeling since the day of our glory fall
when some1 reminded me of the situation tt im still in
it got me thinking pretty much
but at least... now...
my eldest bro is doing his part to contribute
im still looking for a job tt wouldnt harm my body as bad
mother is babysitting once again..
yup... things had gotten quite comforting when u r not the onli 1 working
knowing tt there'll be wider income for this month
think we can still make it next month
so... did we improve?
im not sure... all i noe is tt we r trying our best to sustain
n my mum refuses to use my money...
she's hoping tt mine would be a back up for sch fees...
dunno if its alright to put it this way
think i'll still use it if its necessary ba...

im so motivated!!!

haha...
im still up n awake at 3am!!
cant believe it... hehe
aiya... gotta study for term test mah...
thx to a study call from some1... i managed to wake up
now i realise alarm clock is not enough if i were to plan on waking at midnight to study
ok.. good.. did some study today!!!
feel so contented... haha

n carmen!
ur advice is so motivating!!!
i'll strive harder to disallow wat the manager hopes to achieve
wahahha.. yesh! muz jia you!!!
thx a lot
no doubt it'll be tough to accept the fact tt i'll get bullied n blah
still, need to grow some thick skin in the society
hai!.. i mustn't be defeated juz like tt
u r so right!

still waiting n wondering...

im so bored in sch now...
was late for tutorial (eemac)
guess wat time i entered...
9.44 am
hahha... can u imagine?? okok... very bad i noe...
n ya noe i was onli in class for 11 mins n class dismiss...
sigh... wat a waste of my time eh?
should hav stayed at home to rot.


anway, u muz be asking y im so late right?
coz... i was bathing...
onli when im abt to leave then i found out my ez-link card isnt with me
so... panic lah... then remembered my bro took my card yesterday
so... called him n make immediate appointment to meet him after my sch ends
ya... he's working in commonwealth lah!!!
sigh... no choice but to save money
so... im travelling there juz to get my card from him...
how dumb right?
guess this r some moments things cock up with ur siblings...
its kinda irritating at times but gotta adapt to it... hehe


n wat m i doing now????
im slacking in the library waiting for somebody to entertain me
i wonder hu... my dream guy quick appear!!! haha..
ya... quick appear n spare me all tt trouble to find u
spare me the irritation of guys on my tail..
defend away the guys hu wanna get touchy with me n blah...
where? where? where r u??
haiya.... crapping lah


basically, juz typing a post to pass time
quite entertaining though... haha...
n gerald appeared when i was typing " my dream guy quick appear"
gave me a fright loh... i gave a short scream when i realised his presence in the library, standing juz beside me lah
gosh... hope he didnt read much...
it'll be so embarrasing... hahaha...


it's 11am now... so bored... another hr to go... sigh...

n yay!!! im going to the concert with carmen tonight!!! wahahahha...
so exciting!!!

its a symphony by vjc
concert's at 7.30pm tonight...
its $10 per ticket but i got it for free
hehe.. ya.. given by my cello teacher
hehe...

problems after another

ok..
really felt encouraged to move on!
OOooosh! muz jia you!!!
now tt tuition has paused for abt a month, im gonna chiong for slp n studies!!!
yep, n since u say ur wife filial to parents, u muz too k???
n i'll ask for ur help
which is pretty soon...

ok...
now i achnowledge tt im in a trouble now..
wanna noe wat's bothering me right now?
im putting it in point forms so it's easier to see the whole picture

school project (MI)
situation:
im already in a team of 3 + 2 unconfirmed.
MI grp needs 4-5 in a grp wat
another grp of 3 approached me to join them coz they juz need another 1 to form a team
stress point:
to join the other grp of 3 or stay put in the 1 im in now... should i help?

family matters
situation:
all i noe is tt we r in countless debts.
my mum is hiding her feeling down her throat
but.. she got herself a baby to take now
it's confirmed coz she signed the papers. yup
my dad? dunno wat he does under daylight
he's out in the day n home in the night
stress point:
hav i contributed enough?
my bros already felt the strain with me n them
they think i work too much n had changed
then... mum was pretty angry with them playing all tt games instead of working
now... think they r frustrated with the word ' work'
n my bro is upset tt watever he earns goes to the family n not to himself for enjoyment
stress point:
how can i help my bros understand tt it's not the returns tt u expect ppl to give, after u hav helped them, tt's important? how can i tell them tt the family needs their contribution? main thing is, how can i tactfully tell them not to be selfish?

relationship problems (sc n des)
sc situation:
not buggin me tt much now... thank God
but he's still contactin me tru calls n sms n msn
stress point:
im trying my best to avoid meeting him in sch!!! wahhhh...
des situation:
he's buying things i didnt ask him to
he wanna 'take care' of me
in a sense, feeding me, cheering me on, concern.. etc
he seems like he doesnt mind going the extra mile to get things for me
stress point:
im out of excuse in meeting him. especially when he's living so near to workplace n sch
do i accept his gifts? wat do i do?



a gift given by him

wat's going on?

i tot everything was turning out well
but... y does my mum cry again?
y r ppl calling my house telling things tt would make my mum cry?
im trying my best to do wat i could to help out
will i ever get out of this mess??
will my family ever be freed from this debt?
i still wanna hope
i still wanna believe tt all this worries n troubles will soon fade n disappear
but in the midst of it
it feels like i do not have the sufficient strength to sustain till tt end
indeed, im aware my physical body is telling my mind tt sth terrible would happen if i keep pushing myself
symptoms have surfaced
can i still persevere? how long more?
im worried as well... my health may in turn become a big prob to the family
n then back to square 1 where im a burden again to the family
others think im stressing myself over nth tts of a big prob
they think im allowing stress to take over my tots
no... its not in this case.. coz if it is, i'll be in depression already
im trying to balance out my work, my studies, my health n my family matters. n now... this unwanted attention from guys
how m i going abt it?
i really dunno
i wanna solve this prob
i wan my mum to stop crying
i hope she'll be happy
will this ever be done?
i wish for a happy family.. is this too much to ask?
yes... im upset. coz this lil difference i made didnt make much fruitful outcome
best of all, i still hav no idea wat my dad is doing
i dun even noe if he's doing anything to help the family or himself...

crazily working overtime!!!!

wah... i really didnt expect myself to work tt late man!!!
do u noe tt i didnt even have the opportunity to touch my hp during work?

ok... basically, after lessons in sch(9am-11am) n lessons for piano(1pm-2.30pm), its really great to juz chill in husband's house since the weather has already burn up part of my skin

ok, im working at 6pm.. n i was onli a few mins early!!!
wahahaha... gerald owe me a drink!
ok, tt's beside the point.

working ppl:
michael
adam
daniel short
daniel tall
beng
desmond
gerald
n me (only gal working)

i was suppose to serve the floor, then michael sent me to the pooldeck
guess it's to help gerald n adam.
coz gerald actually set up the table n chairs at the pooldeck himself.
not sure if he did it alone, which i doubt, but it's really tiring for him
yup. pooldeck work was quite slacky
coz the ppl didnt really need anything...
i juz did pouring n clearing as usual.
however, i felt nausea again... y? i dunno...
n guess wat? floor no ppl till 9pm leh!!!
irritating... the 12 seater havent come at tt time.
so all the others were kinda slacking...
oh well... it's great working with gerald. i like!
hehe... he helped me alot
n so we actually finally started clearing the pooldeck at 11.30pm
u see... i noe the time coz there's a clock at the pooldeck.
but i juz cant get to my hp coz whenever i wanna go, i'll get called up for sth else to do...
n i had to set up table at the terrace with 3 sets of 20-seater tables with michael n daniel tall.
balancing the table is so tedious man...
anyway, i set up the default cutleries settings for those tables
n when i was a bt to finish, michael told me setting wrong..
wahuhuhuhuhuh... i had to re-do again!!!
thankfully, desmond n gerald came to help.
so it was pretty fast. n tts when husband called to tell me it's already 12am
then... when i wanna go to my hp again to check wat my hp had received, daniel tall call for me to do things again
wahuhuhuhuh... u see wat i mean?
finally, when all is done.... can go home!!!
then they start playing ghost stories abt the toilet so tt ppl dun dare to change their clothes in there
haha.. so lame.. i didnt change coz i was too tired
n coz every1 else is staying around pasir ris or tampines
they took a different cab back home.
onli beng n me stayed pretty far from workplace so we took a cab together
e 2 daniels didnt like it coz they think it's too dangerous to have me sent home by beng...
then again... they were too late to tell michael coz we left
gerald n desmond smsed me to check if im really home.
i was safely home last night! hahahaha

so.... im sure u wanna noe wat happened in e cab
i still do feel nausea.
did have those vomiting actions in front of beng which caused him to worry as well..
in cab, he juz left me alone to rest
we didnt tok at all. haha
so... too bad... no juicy stories to tell... haha

then... HOME SWEET HOME
end - slp

non-stop working

have been working non-stop this wk...
wow... super tiring when u hav assignments to complete as well
so... wat have i really been bz with?
tutoring all night from sunday to tuesday.
not forgetting assignments to complete during midnight
so... it's really quite taxing
thankfully, i've a rest on wed night due to sch cds
n then back to work on thurs which is today...
will be working tmr as well...

ok, abt today...
ppl working:
michael
adam
ys
beng
ken
yy
n me (only gal working)

i skipped my lec since there's no tutorials today
got myself working morning shift again in aranda
tiring? i'm not sure if it's really tt tiring....
however, i really dislike the function in the morning
function: air-force quadrant celebration
what yinshen would like to call it is sausage party
oh well... tt's him
still, so many guys lah...
n they r so flirtatious..
tt's y i dun like..
u noe what they did?
they make me pour their drinks many times n gives tt kinda of cheeky smiles
eeeee... another guy was playing with his camera
n he took a few shots of me without my consent
how rude!
i wanna tok it out with tt fellow but found no guts to since im onli a waitress
i had to let it be...
sadly, beng couldnt 'protect' me once again coz im stuck with yinshen at the heartbeat
ys kept bullying me lah...
wanting me to follow his orders...
like i will..
n without husband around to protect im being smacked at the back of my head by him
i cant return him a smack coz adam is looking... this juz sux
y muz all the managers be alert with my actions ?
so unfair ya noe?
i can onli resort to "behave"
beng was assigned to the action floor downstairs serving all the other customers
nvm lah... thankfully i felt quite alright today
tummy did ache a bit but managed to overcome it...
it's not stomach ache or cramps... its juz some parts of the internal organ aching...
didnt hav my medicine with me but my bro justin brought it over for me.
so sweet right??
n guess wat? beng wasnt there to see it lah...
so wasted... sigh...
wat's next?
hmmm... oh ya!!
there's these 2 new guys i was working with this morning
name was ken n... think was yy.. he told me to call him yy
anyway, i had lunch with ken alone
yup, my first time eating with a male from my workplace, alone
haha... we talked quite a lot... this is not very good
n he smokes.. =.=
he treated me to KFC
n got me into trouble coz we ate too long...
he didnt get scolded but i did
sigh... quite suay... no choice...

oh well, sch tmr then comes piano lesson in the afternoon
better start prac
will be working night shift on fri... wahahaha.. skipping cello prac
guess cello prac juz doesnt work for me...
cant perservere the monotonous of the way lessons are held and the aimless direction we r heading as juniors...
think tt's y i can simply juz skip it without feeling all tt guilty...

doc.... nooo....

ok...was suppose to visit SGH today...
dad changed plan..
in the end, i turn down my appointments in the afternoon for nth
wat a waste...
still, hahah... managed to attend my cello outing
so funny... we were at TM's pizza hut having dinner
we sabotaged terry to doing some forfeit tt requires him to approach a gal with his contact card
ahha... so funny.... took a video of it

me n ivan... i think.. or is it terry... haiya...

e pizzas we ordered

wilson

forfeit




e CARD...

3rd May 07 Thursday

wat happened today was tt i tot lessons was at 9am
so i was preparing myself at 7.15am then i realised my lessons starts at 8am!
how blur of me right? ya...
i rushed hoping tt i can catch up
however i waited for the bus n found myself still stuck in sengkang at 7.30am
so... it's quite obvious tt i cant make it... so i didnt head to sch
n becoz i weigh the situation
knowing tt i'm also very tired having headaches which will make me lose focus during class...
wat's the point?


then i went back home to slp for the whole morning...
ya noe... was thinking of going to e doc for mc n pills
cant believe my whole afternoon was spent in tt clinic loh..
n didnt know all tt small symptoms caused a big commotion
i told e doc i got...
headache for quite some time
fresh blood from stool
lost 6kg in a wks time
blood flow decreased
blur vision
he tot its odd for such things to happen so he tested my tummy if it hurts
n yes it does when he pressed on the right side
i didnt even noe tt it hurts man....
i mean... normally it doesnt. but it does in my case...
so he referred me to the doc in SGH plus ...
he took 2 bottles of my blood sample to test if i've got thyroids
results will be out in a wks time.


i discussed with my family
they wan me to go for the checkup
i sooooo dun wan....
its so tedious, time consuming n energy consuming...
i can be charge in hospital for the checkup u noe....
i dun wanna be admitted to hospital for even a day!
sigh... guess i'll be going after lessons tmr...
hope my results wont be tt complicated... wahuhuhuh

n look look..
my student drew this pic for me! so cute right?
she's so sweet

haha..
i pasted it on the cover of my organizer
yup... fits pretty well

confusion set my mind in a daze

gosh...
i dunno wat's going on with myself
consulted my bro abt my sarcasm n got myself deeply hurt
some1 else juz confided their feelings to me n m lost in decision making
im totally emotionally unstable right now
dunno if the things i do is right or wrong
dunno what to think coz unsure of wat i interpret is right
think i juz lost my self-identity...

have i been working my brains up for long hrs n forgotten e purpose as to y im doing all tt?
im searching myself ... but...
it all seemed like whatever i desire or want doesnt seem important to myself now...
hav i lost myself?
gosh... having a very bad headache...
i need some break!

stressed i think

i'm feeling kinda lost right now..
feeling kinda stressed i think...
im not having good slps at night
hearing many rules n regulations, laws tt i've yet to uphold.
i do ask myself.. 'is the challenge too big for me to handle?'
yet left the question unanswered..
left myself to work all day n neglect my health
quite bad...

still it seems relationship probs r soon to be on my doorstep
dun think i can handle probs when im relationship
i mean relationships r unpredictable
so.. it's best not to have 1

sense trouble

think i'm still in deep shit right now...
on sat night, after working overtime waitressing, daniel the manager warned me to be careful.
he's regretted exposing every1's hp no. on the office board n now he's gonna keep it private.
y so is becoz he noes tt im popular among the guys at work.
even one of the chef got my no.
he thinks he got it tru the duty roster on office board. which i think so too...
too protect every1's privacy, he's keeping every1's no. to himself.
i can see the manager is quite worried for me.
he still remembers tt day when im suppose to take a bus home but i went to Carmen's house after work instead.
he took the opportunity to give a notice to every1 tt im attached. i guess tt's 1 way he's trying to help me.
still, he noes tt the guys on duty kept smsing me during work.
so... i dunno manz..
n on Sunday after much persuasion from e 2 managers Michael n Daniel, i decided to work Sunday morning shift
they threw me to the kitchen for cutleries cleaning... sad.. guess it's also to help the guys focus in their work.
plus, my hair was stubborn tt morning!!!oh manz...
the head chef took the opportunity to scold me for my messy hair. saying tt im thrown to cleaning cutleries in the kitchen is becoz im too messy to be seen by the customers.
yes. truly hurt by his words. but it may be true..
so.. i shall be careful the next time..

by the way, new recruit Valerie was working with me on sat night n sun morn. hehe...she's quite cute

aranda chalet?

2nd April 07 Monday

ok. honestly, i didnt really wanna go for this chalet coz i tot of it as a waste of time. ya noe, i can spend the time resting at home n of coz babysit.
still, i tot i really did owe Carmen quite a lot of frenship. i dun feel right not going since she wants to take this opportunity to bond with them.
n she wants to protect n take care of my health during chalet, like forcing me to eat more, so... hope it works.
i bet on it n went in the end.
this is the 1st day of chalet n the day i've decided to go for it.
we begin by playing jenga stacko game. pretty fun
had kfc n steamboat for dinner...
wat a waste, i couldnt eat much coz i was on medication since sunday.
ok, so... what we did at night?
we played this dice guessing game tt was featured on 'pirates of the carribean'. losers drink 1 pax
i lost pretty much n drank 1 pax + 1 pax + 2 pax + 1pax with sprite.
y 2 pax is becoz Daniel wanted yinshen to drink... but ended i lose coz yinshen bet tt i'll lose....
in the end... i lost. ya.. stupid...
yes yes... i got so called drunk... but wat does drunk means?
ya noe i can still remember exactly what was going on around me? odd isnt it?
yes, i vomited... but i was on medication. i wont get drunk this easily since i drank quite a lot this yr...
oh well, wat a waste



3rd April 07 Tuesday

yes, when walking with carmen down the downtown east route. just plain walking for no apparent reason.
n soon after tt, i head home to freshen myself up for tuition at 7pm.
tuition was kinda boring coz she felt bored listening to me teaching. maybe i was too tired to entertain her much.
terrible. the more i felt guilty coz she paid me after tuition. gosh...
now im stressed n pressured to rush her knowledge on pace with her sch.
went back to chalet after tt. haha... didnt noe stalker would call to ask for my presence in chalet.
back in chalet, we played 5-star game from 12am all the way till 5am+ haha...crazy right?
it's quite fun! n i lost again... had to drink 1 pax for the night. after tt, we talked ghost stories... thrilling but no effects on me. wasted



4th April 07 Wednesday

pack up time.
check out of chalet at 12pm n went to aranda restaurant for lunch. well...
felt nausea after trying out their main course for a set lunch.
part of the reason is becoz im not used to eating brunch straight after i woke up from my slp. another is coz im on medication. i havent been eating much lately yet on medication.
it's quite obvious tt the medication might have some reaction to it after consuming the starter.
then i just headed to Carmen's house for a rest before going home.
in Carmen's house, we were playing this love calculator game. haha..shan't go into details then... it's private =p
so..did a lil babysitting with Carmen in my house then we set off to sit in the ferris wheel nearby.
i was so shocked tt 1 token = $ 2.50
ferris wheel cost 3 token!!! so expensive!!!
u gotta be kidding... how irritating...
didnt sit in the end.
instead, we did a lil shopping in compass point.
yup.. tt's how the day ended
but online, suddenly ppl juz added me to their msn n friendster. tt's really fast.
i was like, smsing n typing on msn lah.
smsing u noe hu... dunno m i unreasonable enough to shoo him away.
but so far, at this point, i think i managed to shoo him away. having said this, im risking if there would be a day he would find out abt this site..
guess, i'll juz hav to improvise by tt time...

wat do u think?

yes, im back for another entry!
haha..

yesterday, we couldn't pay electrical bills tt's due, so the service man came n cut off our source.
for that, my mum was very angry with my dad. she's juz disappointed that the bills wasnt paid on time. angry tt the money she gave him didnt settle it. where did the money go?
thank God my bro just collected his salary on monday so we took his pay for the bills. hopefully, it's a borrow n not taking without returning.
when is my pay coming????

oh.. n due to the prob i faced yesterday, i shooed 1 of the guy off my tail by saying im not in the mod to do anything right now... he didnt bug me anymore! didnt noe tt works. but i did remember i did the same to the other guy tts on my tail. but he's still on it... quite persistent. hmmm...
what do u think?

muz do well!!!

oh my...
i juz cant believe it. i've got 2 guys on my tail.
1st, i have no idea they r hitting on me. pretty smart to use plain n unassuming questions in order to start the conversation going.
i was really thinking purely as a frenship tok.
onli not long later they started to care for me n everything else then i realised im in deep shit.
im so not ready for relationship right now. it's not the time. i have yet to seek a better outcome for my probs n this comes in pretty conveniently.
oh man....now i have no idea wat to do.
i dun wanna make any more mistakes especially when it regards to relationships.
im tired.... i juz wanna do wat's right n tts it. i really dun wan anything else. i juz wanna solve my personal financial prob. tt's all.
i need to be independent. thank God, really, for blessing me. i muz say He did play a big role in my life. He made things easier for me. very thankful for tt. He answered my most sincere prayer which does regards to money. i know i was risking myself falling into the hunger for money when i made tt prayer. but it's of the will to stabilize myself n help out in the family. God answered it tru jobs i received. i will work hard for it!

muz do well!!!


my working shoes.. muahhaha

stressed up with matters

really enjoyed myself in carmen's house yesterday. especially the GREASE show!! AHH!! so nice!!

today? dread to go cello sectional at 6pm. im gonna give theory lesson? no!!! so boring... i dislike theory from the very beginning n im giving a lesson on it? oh man...

n.. really suffering now man... suffering from a very common headache. more like suffering from many probs. how shud i face it? it's a mystery i've gotta discover myself isn't it?

it's been long

oops, havent been updating my entry for quites some time again....hehe.. just couldnt get the habit to...

anyway, i have a blog sharing with my husband. hmmm.... dunno if i should include it here.

anyway, working in the hols as a part timer waitress n was really thinking of getting a 2nd job. yes, tiring but i tot it might help in achieving 1 of my goals n tt is to e self-sufficient. yep...have grown up quite a bit since tt day ... well, i tired face as a theme for this month i guess

YAY! my task is complete.

finally, i managed to finish up my xmas prezzie to cui and nat after such a long time.
well, gave them yesterday. they took a look and almost cried!! nat was touched and cried. cui? haiz...sadly, we all noe her tear glands have some prob functioning, so i couldnt touch her enough to make her cry... wasted

anyway, it was a tiring day yesterday. i need some slp!! ok.. maybe i should make it clear that im sick for the pass 1 wk. it's juz a plain flu but i really hav no idea how it can last this long. it got worse yesterday. i had fever when i got home from the TPCO concert. argh... how irritating. i cant even concentrate when i study. visit a doctor? will that even help in the 1st place? i've been eating the medicine they've prescribed to me.

during term test wk

cant believe im writing an entry in the middle of my term test period...hehe
feels like im in a holiday mood already coz tmr's my last paper. oh... i cant wait!
how i wish it'll all pass quickly
manz... i wanna work so bad..

study + interview

I went for piano lesson early morning. Overall, I think I'm improving, just that I didn't have the time to finish up my homework. So what's new today? I picked a slot of hours to study in pasir ris's tiny park before I meet up with Carmen. It was a fruitful study time I must say.





Anyway, I went for an interview with Carmen to do waitressing in Aranda restaurant. Can u imagine? Carmen was so nervous when we got there. To me, I wasn't even in the mood for an interview, besides; I wasn't in a proper attire to go for an interview. I was wearing normal t-shirt and a pair of Bermudas. Carmen was wearing something decent for presentation. Hehe... how contradicting isn't it? Hmm... Interview was alright... fun to me actually. I was chatting with the manager, in fact. Can???t believe that right?
Well, after that, I head home to study...

new phone!!!

im so glad i got a new phone!! a camera phone!!!
i signed up for another line plan and got this phone...
really love it.
i onli got it like 2days ago....which is monday(4/12/06).
ahhh!!!...so happy i got sony ericsson k800i
yay!!!
shall post some pics tt i hav taken

children's camp is over... my life is over... not

wahuhuhuh.....
so sad.. i wan camp camp camp!!!
its irritating when i hav camps during sch days.
i cant skip becuz of the stupid sch system thingy, and i hav projects + topics to catch up... argh...
cant even camp properly...

wat happened in camp?
i forgot to bring my toiletries!!
can u believe that?
i brought only toothbrush, no shampoo, no soup, no toothpaste, no facial wash
so pathetic, i gotta borrow all those things from frens lah... but thankfully, yunguan sacrificed her toiletries... so sweet..

basically, i was in camp from monday to thursday this wk.
wow.. i've gotta rush on monday for sch then to cindy's church orchestra prac then to camp.. very tiring manz..
imagine,
you hav to bring ur cello to cindy's church, place ur camp stuff in church and go for sch with ur books
it's ridiculously heavy!
thank God my dad gave me a lift to my church (to place my camp stuff) then to cindy's house (place my cello temporary) then to sch.
hate it when i cant handle things myself and had to ask for some other ppl's help, in this case my dad.
i think it's not good coz i need to train myself to be independent.
ironically, i took my dad's offer to help. haiz...
anyway, finally after school, cindy n i went to her church with my cello.
so glad to be there. finally some1 noticed that the cello that im now having(liansi's cello actually) is a very well polished cello. athough some scratches, but in overall, the sound is pretty well projected
im glad some people in the orchestra prac appreciated it.. well, it's part of God's creation
prac was refreshing...
my hp line got cut off though...so i couldnt contact any1 in church... :(
after that, i had to rush off to my church for camp.
camp... it will officially start the next day but becoz some props had to be prepared the day before camp, we stayed over juz to prepare them.
how smart, onli yunguan, zhongtao and malvin stayed over. cui had to go home due to some matters and nat isnt coming at all(when she suggested to slp over the night before camp) coz she didnt pack her bag and is bz with her tuition. how crap!
i'm a lil pissed abt it. it's juz... so wrong...
i decided not to hav myself frown the whole night, so i juz play along.
those slpovers went to mobil for supper (cup noodles) at around 1am.i can u believe it? i cant...
i juz cant believe that i can slp tt late even though i've got lessons the next day.

oh well, 1st day of camp.
i was around church to help out a lil before i head to sch.
i'm so tired... so very tired...
it's really tough to contact people without hp. didn't noe hp played a pretty major part in my life.
anyway, nth much happened. i had a long chat with nat's 2 bros and asaph..
really enjoyed the conversation

2nd day of camp.
i slp late last night, so obviously i hav no energy to stay focus today, in class.
and becoz of tt, im totally lost in basic FA lesson!
teacher had to embarrass me after i have submitted my work.
it juz suck today
when i got back to church, i rushed my Qmethod project becoz Fion was pretty "hot" abt it.
wat to do... FIon drove me brain to the core tt i muz work hard lah... if not... she will haunt me down
ya.. like she did this day.
i hogged the church com for few hrs k! im not suppose to do tt but i did.. so... its a risk i hope nth negative will come out of it
after all tt stuff, i had a moment with juz bertwin and nat in the balchin hall. i really love tt period of time
chattin juz some general topics really makes me feel like this is how youths should behave, carefree.
how i wish it will come true...
lights out after tt

3rd day of camp (last)
ooohh.... i totally have no energy to stay awake! i almost slp during lectures..
goodness.. and i have my test (Qmethod) today. haiz...
think i wun score a very decent grade.
but i dun wanna bother abt it anymore, it's OVER
yes, i packed my bag after i reached church and left the moment i finished clearing up the place.
ahhh..can slp long hrs this day...yes!

Friday ( most dreaded as ever...)
i was late again, for TPCO cello prac....59mins late
didnt know it's so obvious to others tt i did it on purpose.
well, they didnt really noe the reason until i told them personally.
haha... ya....can u imagine their reaction.
yup, i juz dun understand how come the guys in my section juz dun see it... oh well...

im gonna be sick!! and i dread...

how can this be? i dun wanna get sick...
ok, i admit. i haven't been resting and eating well lately, thus, my immune system is down. the worse part is that i've got a quiz to do this early morning!!! i felt totally dizzy and unable to focus right, so how can i do the quiz with a focus mind? aya...really hope i wont fail this 1.

and you noe wat??? Friday is coming!! you know what does that mean? cello practise is coming!! i dun wanna meet my TPCO teacher... it's at night from 7 to 9pm.. i dread dread dread very much. you know i have been having nightmares for most of the nights before Friday arrives?
ahhhhhhh......
how i wish he'll be absent tmr =p manz...i really need some proper rest

ok, it's sch break(2hrs) now... juz typing this entry because im bored and tired.
hmmm... shall write entries for the next few days coz it's gonna be quite happening =p yeah~

roller-coaster- ride

oOoooOOoh...
it's been a long time since i checked in for a long essay.

where should i begin??
i have like 4hrs to spare before my next lesson starts. you can say my schedule for this semester just sux! lessons start at 9am and breaks at 12:15pm all the way till 4pm my next lesson starts and finally ends at 6pm. i really dread wednesdays sometimes..

oh! oh! oh! i muz tell you that for the last few days, i have been having an interesting roller coaster ride with the activities im so involved in.

for a quick update:
i'm involved in
- TPCO (playing cello)
- Cindy's church orchestra (Heart of God, playing cello)
- my church's band (playing bass and keyboard)
- my church's band's project ( producing a cd by end of next yr)
- youth fellowship committee (fellowship i/c and treasurer)
- poly class treasurer

so far, i think this is it....

sunday

im late for service again! haiya... it's so difficult to be early.
but i've learnt sth today! for every decision made, muz be reminded that
1. does it glorify God
2. does it affect ppl
3. does it hinder ur conscience
i knew this long time ago... onli didnt practise it. hee
after lunch and band meeting is the period i love the most, jam. but we didnt really jam due to no vocals. onli bert, dk, cui and me were there to jam. we juz played songs we know for the fun of it. very fun fun fun!!! i wanna do it again!!!
then me went to Cindy's church for alvaro sanchez concert(guitar and harp concert) very nicely played. alvaro brought across the wonders of how God can perform in his life tru music. i learnt alot from there about how music can be holy too. its a double WOW manz...



i guess... tts it for today..pretty tired already. another hr to spent till class starts...hmmm...shall study then.

eh oh

oh my, i didnt manage to fit piano prac into my time slot this wk... basically, i've wasted this wk's lesson becoz i didnt do my work. argh...waste of money... i went straight to church after tt for band prac. irritating zhongtao told me he's bz with o'level preparation and unable to come for prac and meeting, my arse, saw him in church decorating the church k! sickening...
band prac was alright, average. well, bert not playing drums this wk for dunno what reason tt might be. so dekai replaced him...
hmmm...was planning to go home after prac but nat dragged me to help do the church deco. and so i did... but she left early. hmph
then malvin dragged me to hav dinner with him and the rest of the guys. before i could say no, he already booked a place for me. how smart... but for the very reason tt he's my cousin, i went.
conversations over dinner was fine. the onli weird part is im the onli gal on the table. felt very out actually...
the day ended with me going home while the guys enjoyed themselves watching a movie

swimming yay!!! alcohol muahahha...

it was a fun and exciting day because i was swimming in Carmen's house after sch dismissed at 1pm. yup, we had lunch and drank liqour after that, watching "Prince & Me". we also had karaoke in her house... haha... so funny... i dunno how to sing atomic kitten's songs lah... it's not my fault that i messed the songs mah. =p anyway, the activity tt comes after that was the very one programme i truly dread every wk, that is TPCO. i dun mean to say that i dread my CCA.. it's juz... some one that i dread to see every wk in TPCO. haiz... and becoz i SO dun wanna go, i went late on purpose. and how late was i? 1hr 15mins late. ya.. practically 45mins to prac and cca will call it a day... wat to do...

my fav korean song "why"

love this love song..n the words





Full House (korean drama)
By: Oon Myong
"Why"

I don't really know love
I didn't know it'd come like this

I can't seem to control my heart when it comes to love
I wouldn't have started if I knew it'd be like this

Now that it's too late to turn back, I'm having regrets
I hoped you wouldn't be love
I hoped that you wouldn't be my love

I told myself I didn't love you
I hoped we were just passing acquaintances
Because all I'll have left is pain
But even so, I want you
It's making me sad

A wrong start.
That's all I saw it as

I believed I could let you go any time
I don't know what went wrong

I have to avoid your love
But I long for you

I hoped you wouldn't be love
I hoped that you wouldn't be my love

I told myself I didn't love you
I hoped we were just passing acquaintances
Because all I'll have left is pain
But even so, I want you
It's making me sad

Now I'm nothing without you
I can't do anything about it
Knowing that I must erase you...

Makes my life harder

ladida~dilada~da

sunday! so fun!!!...

juz got a trophy for the gospel singing competition not long ago... my grp of musicians didnt expect to receive a trophy... wierd eh? the sch didnt even hav such a competition last yr or even the past...

yesterday's so tiring but fun! ya noe, went for my new piano lesson n after tt, meet up with wendy n we were tokking abt all the events tt are coming soon... gosh...cui's birthday coming loh!!! how shall we make it a really pleasant 1? hmmmm.... not onli tt e sec 3's surpose to plan for the birthday, we've got to plan for the brother's day, e end-of-yr camp for youths, band prac n outings... wow....not forgetting our exams too...... dun even noe if there's enough time for all this... band prac is as normal, very fun but its very draggy.... band members always drag on n on n on... in the end, i can onli reach home at 10+ my parents were like... wanting me to quit my band... argh...

today, the youths had so much fun together! we conducted the service n welcomed a speaker for today. we had a picnic in east coast park though... a competition was set! we split up into grps of 6 n were given $30 each grp, my grp spent the most $29.50 heehee... we went around parkway, buying wat we wanted... but in the end, my grp won the competition coz we had the most variety of food. we ate each others stuff n bonded pretty much well together... its rather enjoyable though... yup! n tts it for today...

happy~sad~angry~glad

gosh....guess wat? my class got in for the Gospel Singing audition n didnt get any position for the competition...no doubt its kinda..sad...but doesnt really matter... LiFe StiLl GoEs On!!

had band prac yesterday from 1pm-6pm n ya noe? we didnt really prac at all... juz doing all the cardboard stuff for children's camp. actual band prac is quite short n i kept screwing up the chords...argh..they juz rush tru manz.. couldnt catch up! the only reason the whole band sounded messy is becus i was the 1 screwing up.... somehow its hard to tell coz me playing bass mah.. not very obvious.. *hee*

went to slp over in nat mei's place after band prac.. we were spending time baking green apple pie to celebrate bert's n jason's bday today... we ended like 2am!!

guess wat?! celine (bro's fren) played a prank on me saying amos is in the police station n dah dah dah.. i couldnt believe at first but ... i still did..... justin n his frens were laughing like crazy coz they put me on speaker tokking to the 'police' suspecting me of stealing... *crap*

this morning, leader not around to give the chords for some songs.. i gotta go figure them out n give it to the rest of the band members... but im so angry tt they didnt sing the song in the end!!! waste my time firguring them out when i can listen to the sermon... Argh..

celebration today aint that nice... not all omt n band members r present to celebrate... the pie was a lil squash n scattered abt the container so it looks kinda disgusting... but it taste goood though! well, but glad to noe tt bert n jason appreciated it...