...

wanted to blog sth but had no mood to..

just got a new phone, c902 maroon, last sat n it kinda sucked last night

got my bro to get it repaired now.. got c902 black for him yesterday too..

was glad to see him happy then..

however, many things happened for the past 5 days..

had been going to nat's house for the wake and everything, since sat.

for 1, it makes me feel like im going tru a session on 'how to achieve mood swings'. reason being is tt, the bad news only came in on fri morn 12am and on the same day, im celebrating my bro's 21st bday. it kinda sucks cuz u dunno how u should be feeling. everything became so mixed up on 2 extreme ends.

for 2, i got a new phone on sat. the very phone i had been eyeing n wanting for so long n on tt same day, im going to help out in the wake at night. tried to make myself useful then but i guess shiyun n cui were much more helpful than i can offer.

for 3, church ppl totally missed my oresence becuz i was serving the 1st service. dun u know it's really sucky? no fellowship with every1 at all.. i begged bert to stay n play for 1st service with me n im super glad he did. only then i recognized tt i can only be alone n used in this church, in this manner. i have no life here...i'm saying im dying here in this church. asked God y have i been placed here n i still dunno the answer. to serve Him? i can always do tt in other churches. once again, struggling to stay. knowing tt im made a 'miss' in every1's activities. not an 'important' person anymore... or should i say not a 'wanted' n needed' person... afterwhich, i got pangseh by my bro in the afternoon, got some misunderstaindings with kookoo. but im really happy to see him at my house area tt day cuz my day was turning bad to worse. for tt, got him to join me in the wake thingy too. once again, got useless at the wake. i couldnt be where nat is becuz i dunno her well enough like cui does. most of my info was grabbed from cui. realized my worry for nat's family was needless, pointless n unwanted. i guess her day was pretty well managed when cui was around to make every1 her n her bros happy again.

for 4, went with my bro to the crematorium. had nth much to say to nat cuz i really dunno wat to say. she would most probably say tt my presence is already comforting enough but i doubt it is the case. felt more like a stranger. i leave it as tt cuz it's a day for nat n family. dun wanna make it worse... got my bro the phone n once again glad to see him happy. went studying in kookoo's house n found my phone is having probs reading my memory stick as well as carrying out a smooth conversation in a call.

it had always been in my heart to wanna dedicate a song to the Gay family. especially nat's Dad but i found no courage to do so cuz i dun wanna break down while i dedicate it during the wake
n the song goes...

'live' by celine dion

´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´

A Million Stars Light
This Beautiful Night
This Is Not A Night To Die
Let Me Sing And Dance
Beneath The Sky
I Have Such Love To Give
To Give
I Want A Chance To Live

Live
For The One I Love
LoveAs No One Has Loved
GiveAsking Nothing In Return
Free
Free To Find My Way
Free To Have My Say
Free To See The Day
Be Like I Used To Be
Like Wild Bird Free
With All The Life In Me

LiveFor The One I Love
LoveAs No One Has Loved
Give Asking Nothing In Return

Though This World Tears Us Apart
We're Still Together In My Heart
I Want The World To Hear My Cry
And Even If I Have To Die
Love Will Not Die
Love Will Change The World
LiveFor The One I Love
Love As No One Has Loved
GiveAsking Nothing In Return
I'll Love Until Love Wears Me Away
I'll Die And I Know My Love Will Stay
And I Know I Know My Love Will Stay

´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´

yup, its suppose to serve as an encouragement to live on...

while i wrote this, i wanna try sth funny tts been done by liwei n shuhan
but shit lah... no phone to do it... cant try.. shall do tt for my next post