doc.... nooo....

ok...was suppose to visit SGH today...
dad changed plan..
in the end, i turn down my appointments in the afternoon for nth
wat a waste...
still, hahah... managed to attend my cello outing
so funny... we were at TM's pizza hut having dinner
we sabotaged terry to doing some forfeit tt requires him to approach a gal with his contact card
ahha... so funny.... took a video of it

me n ivan... i think.. or is it terry... haiya...

e pizzas we ordered

wilson

forfeit




e CARD...

3rd May 07 Thursday

wat happened today was tt i tot lessons was at 9am
so i was preparing myself at 7.15am then i realised my lessons starts at 8am!
how blur of me right? ya...
i rushed hoping tt i can catch up
however i waited for the bus n found myself still stuck in sengkang at 7.30am
so... it's quite obvious tt i cant make it... so i didnt head to sch
n becoz i weigh the situation
knowing tt i'm also very tired having headaches which will make me lose focus during class...
wat's the point?


then i went back home to slp for the whole morning...
ya noe... was thinking of going to e doc for mc n pills
cant believe my whole afternoon was spent in tt clinic loh..
n didnt know all tt small symptoms caused a big commotion
i told e doc i got...
headache for quite some time
fresh blood from stool
lost 6kg in a wks time
blood flow decreased
blur vision
he tot its odd for such things to happen so he tested my tummy if it hurts
n yes it does when he pressed on the right side
i didnt even noe tt it hurts man....
i mean... normally it doesnt. but it does in my case...
so he referred me to the doc in SGH plus ...
he took 2 bottles of my blood sample to test if i've got thyroids
results will be out in a wks time.


i discussed with my family
they wan me to go for the checkup
i sooooo dun wan....
its so tedious, time consuming n energy consuming...
i can be charge in hospital for the checkup u noe....
i dun wanna be admitted to hospital for even a day!
sigh... guess i'll be going after lessons tmr...
hope my results wont be tt complicated... wahuhuhuh

n look look..
my student drew this pic for me! so cute right?
she's so sweet

haha..
i pasted it on the cover of my organizer
yup... fits pretty well

confusion set my mind in a daze

gosh...
i dunno wat's going on with myself
consulted my bro abt my sarcasm n got myself deeply hurt
some1 else juz confided their feelings to me n m lost in decision making
im totally emotionally unstable right now
dunno if the things i do is right or wrong
dunno what to think coz unsure of wat i interpret is right
think i juz lost my self-identity...

have i been working my brains up for long hrs n forgotten e purpose as to y im doing all tt?
im searching myself ... but...
it all seemed like whatever i desire or want doesnt seem important to myself now...
hav i lost myself?
gosh... having a very bad headache...
i need some break!

stressed i think

i'm feeling kinda lost right now..
feeling kinda stressed i think...
im not having good slps at night
hearing many rules n regulations, laws tt i've yet to uphold.
i do ask myself.. 'is the challenge too big for me to handle?'
yet left the question unanswered..
left myself to work all day n neglect my health
quite bad...

still it seems relationship probs r soon to be on my doorstep
dun think i can handle probs when im relationship
i mean relationships r unpredictable
so.. it's best not to have 1

sense trouble

think i'm still in deep shit right now...
on sat night, after working overtime waitressing, daniel the manager warned me to be careful.
he's regretted exposing every1's hp no. on the office board n now he's gonna keep it private.
y so is becoz he noes tt im popular among the guys at work.
even one of the chef got my no.
he thinks he got it tru the duty roster on office board. which i think so too...
too protect every1's privacy, he's keeping every1's no. to himself.
i can see the manager is quite worried for me.
he still remembers tt day when im suppose to take a bus home but i went to Carmen's house after work instead.
he took the opportunity to give a notice to every1 tt im attached. i guess tt's 1 way he's trying to help me.
still, he noes tt the guys on duty kept smsing me during work.
so... i dunno manz..
n on Sunday after much persuasion from e 2 managers Michael n Daniel, i decided to work Sunday morning shift
they threw me to the kitchen for cutleries cleaning... sad.. guess it's also to help the guys focus in their work.
plus, my hair was stubborn tt morning!!!oh manz...
the head chef took the opportunity to scold me for my messy hair. saying tt im thrown to cleaning cutleries in the kitchen is becoz im too messy to be seen by the customers.
yes. truly hurt by his words. but it may be true..
so.. i shall be careful the next time..

by the way, new recruit Valerie was working with me on sat night n sun morn. hehe...she's quite cute

aranda chalet?

2nd April 07 Monday

ok. honestly, i didnt really wanna go for this chalet coz i tot of it as a waste of time. ya noe, i can spend the time resting at home n of coz babysit.
still, i tot i really did owe Carmen quite a lot of frenship. i dun feel right not going since she wants to take this opportunity to bond with them.
n she wants to protect n take care of my health during chalet, like forcing me to eat more, so... hope it works.
i bet on it n went in the end.
this is the 1st day of chalet n the day i've decided to go for it.
we begin by playing jenga stacko game. pretty fun
had kfc n steamboat for dinner...
wat a waste, i couldnt eat much coz i was on medication since sunday.
ok, so... what we did at night?
we played this dice guessing game tt was featured on 'pirates of the carribean'. losers drink 1 pax
i lost pretty much n drank 1 pax + 1 pax + 2 pax + 1pax with sprite.
y 2 pax is becoz Daniel wanted yinshen to drink... but ended i lose coz yinshen bet tt i'll lose....
in the end... i lost. ya.. stupid...
yes yes... i got so called drunk... but wat does drunk means?
ya noe i can still remember exactly what was going on around me? odd isnt it?
yes, i vomited... but i was on medication. i wont get drunk this easily since i drank quite a lot this yr...
oh well, wat a waste



3rd April 07 Tuesday

yes, when walking with carmen down the downtown east route. just plain walking for no apparent reason.
n soon after tt, i head home to freshen myself up for tuition at 7pm.
tuition was kinda boring coz she felt bored listening to me teaching. maybe i was too tired to entertain her much.
terrible. the more i felt guilty coz she paid me after tuition. gosh...
now im stressed n pressured to rush her knowledge on pace with her sch.
went back to chalet after tt. haha... didnt noe stalker would call to ask for my presence in chalet.
back in chalet, we played 5-star game from 12am all the way till 5am+ haha...crazy right?
it's quite fun! n i lost again... had to drink 1 pax for the night. after tt, we talked ghost stories... thrilling but no effects on me. wasted



4th April 07 Wednesday

pack up time.
check out of chalet at 12pm n went to aranda restaurant for lunch. well...
felt nausea after trying out their main course for a set lunch.
part of the reason is becoz im not used to eating brunch straight after i woke up from my slp. another is coz im on medication. i havent been eating much lately yet on medication.
it's quite obvious tt the medication might have some reaction to it after consuming the starter.
then i just headed to Carmen's house for a rest before going home.
in Carmen's house, we were playing this love calculator game. haha..shan't go into details then... it's private =p
so..did a lil babysitting with Carmen in my house then we set off to sit in the ferris wheel nearby.
i was so shocked tt 1 token = $ 2.50
ferris wheel cost 3 token!!! so expensive!!!
u gotta be kidding... how irritating...
didnt sit in the end.
instead, we did a lil shopping in compass point.
yup.. tt's how the day ended
but online, suddenly ppl juz added me to their msn n friendster. tt's really fast.
i was like, smsing n typing on msn lah.
smsing u noe hu... dunno m i unreasonable enough to shoo him away.
but so far, at this point, i think i managed to shoo him away. having said this, im risking if there would be a day he would find out abt this site..
guess, i'll juz hav to improvise by tt time...

wat do u think?

yes, im back for another entry!
haha..

yesterday, we couldn't pay electrical bills tt's due, so the service man came n cut off our source.
for that, my mum was very angry with my dad. she's juz disappointed that the bills wasnt paid on time. angry tt the money she gave him didnt settle it. where did the money go?
thank God my bro just collected his salary on monday so we took his pay for the bills. hopefully, it's a borrow n not taking without returning.
when is my pay coming????

oh.. n due to the prob i faced yesterday, i shooed 1 of the guy off my tail by saying im not in the mod to do anything right now... he didnt bug me anymore! didnt noe tt works. but i did remember i did the same to the other guy tts on my tail. but he's still on it... quite persistent. hmmm...
what do u think?

muz do well!!!

oh my...
i juz cant believe it. i've got 2 guys on my tail.
1st, i have no idea they r hitting on me. pretty smart to use plain n unassuming questions in order to start the conversation going.
i was really thinking purely as a frenship tok.
onli not long later they started to care for me n everything else then i realised im in deep shit.
im so not ready for relationship right now. it's not the time. i have yet to seek a better outcome for my probs n this comes in pretty conveniently.
oh man....now i have no idea wat to do.
i dun wanna make any more mistakes especially when it regards to relationships.
im tired.... i juz wanna do wat's right n tts it. i really dun wan anything else. i juz wanna solve my personal financial prob. tt's all.
i need to be independent. thank God, really, for blessing me. i muz say He did play a big role in my life. He made things easier for me. very thankful for tt. He answered my most sincere prayer which does regards to money. i know i was risking myself falling into the hunger for money when i made tt prayer. but it's of the will to stabilize myself n help out in the family. God answered it tru jobs i received. i will work hard for it!

muz do well!!!


my working shoes.. muahhaha

stressed up with matters

really enjoyed myself in carmen's house yesterday. especially the GREASE show!! AHH!! so nice!!

today? dread to go cello sectional at 6pm. im gonna give theory lesson? no!!! so boring... i dislike theory from the very beginning n im giving a lesson on it? oh man...

n.. really suffering now man... suffering from a very common headache. more like suffering from many probs. how shud i face it? it's a mystery i've gotta discover myself isn't it?

it's been long

oops, havent been updating my entry for quites some time again....hehe.. just couldnt get the habit to...

anyway, i have a blog sharing with my husband. hmmm.... dunno if i should include it here.

anyway, working in the hols as a part timer waitress n was really thinking of getting a 2nd job. yes, tiring but i tot it might help in achieving 1 of my goals n tt is to e self-sufficient. yep...have grown up quite a bit since tt day ... well, i tired face as a theme for this month i guess

YAY! my task is complete.

finally, i managed to finish up my xmas prezzie to cui and nat after such a long time.
well, gave them yesterday. they took a look and almost cried!! nat was touched and cried. cui? haiz...sadly, we all noe her tear glands have some prob functioning, so i couldnt touch her enough to make her cry... wasted

anyway, it was a tiring day yesterday. i need some slp!! ok.. maybe i should make it clear that im sick for the pass 1 wk. it's juz a plain flu but i really hav no idea how it can last this long. it got worse yesterday. i had fever when i got home from the TPCO concert. argh... how irritating. i cant even concentrate when i study. visit a doctor? will that even help in the 1st place? i've been eating the medicine they've prescribed to me.

during term test wk

cant believe im writing an entry in the middle of my term test period...hehe
feels like im in a holiday mood already coz tmr's my last paper. oh... i cant wait!
how i wish it'll all pass quickly
manz... i wanna work so bad..

study + interview

I went for piano lesson early morning. Overall, I think I'm improving, just that I didn't have the time to finish up my homework. So what's new today? I picked a slot of hours to study in pasir ris's tiny park before I meet up with Carmen. It was a fruitful study time I must say.





Anyway, I went for an interview with Carmen to do waitressing in Aranda restaurant. Can u imagine? Carmen was so nervous when we got there. To me, I wasn't even in the mood for an interview, besides; I wasn't in a proper attire to go for an interview. I was wearing normal t-shirt and a pair of Bermudas. Carmen was wearing something decent for presentation. Hehe... how contradicting isn't it? Hmm... Interview was alright... fun to me actually. I was chatting with the manager, in fact. Can???t believe that right?
Well, after that, I head home to study...

new phone!!!

im so glad i got a new phone!! a camera phone!!!
i signed up for another line plan and got this phone...
really love it.
i onli got it like 2days ago....which is monday(4/12/06).
ahhh!!!...so happy i got sony ericsson k800i
yay!!!
shall post some pics tt i hav taken

children's camp is over... my life is over... not

wahuhuhuh.....
so sad.. i wan camp camp camp!!!
its irritating when i hav camps during sch days.
i cant skip becuz of the stupid sch system thingy, and i hav projects + topics to catch up... argh...
cant even camp properly...

wat happened in camp?
i forgot to bring my toiletries!!
can u believe that?
i brought only toothbrush, no shampoo, no soup, no toothpaste, no facial wash
so pathetic, i gotta borrow all those things from frens lah... but thankfully, yunguan sacrificed her toiletries... so sweet..

basically, i was in camp from monday to thursday this wk.
wow.. i've gotta rush on monday for sch then to cindy's church orchestra prac then to camp.. very tiring manz..
imagine,
you hav to bring ur cello to cindy's church, place ur camp stuff in church and go for sch with ur books
it's ridiculously heavy!
thank God my dad gave me a lift to my church (to place my camp stuff) then to cindy's house (place my cello temporary) then to sch.
hate it when i cant handle things myself and had to ask for some other ppl's help, in this case my dad.
i think it's not good coz i need to train myself to be independent.
ironically, i took my dad's offer to help. haiz...
anyway, finally after school, cindy n i went to her church with my cello.
so glad to be there. finally some1 noticed that the cello that im now having(liansi's cello actually) is a very well polished cello. athough some scratches, but in overall, the sound is pretty well projected
im glad some people in the orchestra prac appreciated it.. well, it's part of God's creation
prac was refreshing...
my hp line got cut off though...so i couldnt contact any1 in church... :(
after that, i had to rush off to my church for camp.
camp... it will officially start the next day but becoz some props had to be prepared the day before camp, we stayed over juz to prepare them.
how smart, onli yunguan, zhongtao and malvin stayed over. cui had to go home due to some matters and nat isnt coming at all(when she suggested to slp over the night before camp) coz she didnt pack her bag and is bz with her tuition. how crap!
i'm a lil pissed abt it. it's juz... so wrong...
i decided not to hav myself frown the whole night, so i juz play along.
those slpovers went to mobil for supper (cup noodles) at around 1am.i can u believe it? i cant...
i juz cant believe that i can slp tt late even though i've got lessons the next day.

oh well, 1st day of camp.
i was around church to help out a lil before i head to sch.
i'm so tired... so very tired...
it's really tough to contact people without hp. didn't noe hp played a pretty major part in my life.
anyway, nth much happened. i had a long chat with nat's 2 bros and asaph..
really enjoyed the conversation

2nd day of camp.
i slp late last night, so obviously i hav no energy to stay focus today, in class.
and becoz of tt, im totally lost in basic FA lesson!
teacher had to embarrass me after i have submitted my work.
it juz suck today
when i got back to church, i rushed my Qmethod project becoz Fion was pretty "hot" abt it.
wat to do... FIon drove me brain to the core tt i muz work hard lah... if not... she will haunt me down
ya.. like she did this day.
i hogged the church com for few hrs k! im not suppose to do tt but i did.. so... its a risk i hope nth negative will come out of it
after all tt stuff, i had a moment with juz bertwin and nat in the balchin hall. i really love tt period of time
chattin juz some general topics really makes me feel like this is how youths should behave, carefree.
how i wish it will come true...
lights out after tt

3rd day of camp (last)
ooohh.... i totally have no energy to stay awake! i almost slp during lectures..
goodness.. and i have my test (Qmethod) today. haiz...
think i wun score a very decent grade.
but i dun wanna bother abt it anymore, it's OVER
yes, i packed my bag after i reached church and left the moment i finished clearing up the place.
ahhh..can slp long hrs this day...yes!

Friday ( most dreaded as ever...)
i was late again, for TPCO cello prac....59mins late
didnt know it's so obvious to others tt i did it on purpose.
well, they didnt really noe the reason until i told them personally.
haha... ya....can u imagine their reaction.
yup, i juz dun understand how come the guys in my section juz dun see it... oh well...

im gonna be sick!! and i dread...

how can this be? i dun wanna get sick...
ok, i admit. i haven't been resting and eating well lately, thus, my immune system is down. the worse part is that i've got a quiz to do this early morning!!! i felt totally dizzy and unable to focus right, so how can i do the quiz with a focus mind? aya...really hope i wont fail this 1.

and you noe wat??? Friday is coming!! you know what does that mean? cello practise is coming!! i dun wanna meet my TPCO teacher... it's at night from 7 to 9pm.. i dread dread dread very much. you know i have been having nightmares for most of the nights before Friday arrives?
ahhhhhhh......
how i wish he'll be absent tmr =p manz...i really need some proper rest

ok, it's sch break(2hrs) now... juz typing this entry because im bored and tired.
hmmm... shall write entries for the next few days coz it's gonna be quite happening =p yeah~

roller-coaster- ride

oOoooOOoh...
it's been a long time since i checked in for a long essay.

where should i begin??
i have like 4hrs to spare before my next lesson starts. you can say my schedule for this semester just sux! lessons start at 9am and breaks at 12:15pm all the way till 4pm my next lesson starts and finally ends at 6pm. i really dread wednesdays sometimes..

oh! oh! oh! i muz tell you that for the last few days, i have been having an interesting roller coaster ride with the activities im so involved in.

for a quick update:
i'm involved in
- TPCO (playing cello)
- Cindy's church orchestra (Heart of God, playing cello)
- my church's band (playing bass and keyboard)
- my church's band's project ( producing a cd by end of next yr)
- youth fellowship committee (fellowship i/c and treasurer)
- poly class treasurer

so far, i think this is it....

sunday

im late for service again! haiya... it's so difficult to be early.
but i've learnt sth today! for every decision made, muz be reminded that
1. does it glorify God
2. does it affect ppl
3. does it hinder ur conscience
i knew this long time ago... onli didnt practise it. hee
after lunch and band meeting is the period i love the most, jam. but we didnt really jam due to no vocals. onli bert, dk, cui and me were there to jam. we juz played songs we know for the fun of it. very fun fun fun!!! i wanna do it again!!!
then me went to Cindy's church for alvaro sanchez concert(guitar and harp concert) very nicely played. alvaro brought across the wonders of how God can perform in his life tru music. i learnt alot from there about how music can be holy too. its a double WOW manz...



i guess... tts it for today..pretty tired already. another hr to spent till class starts...hmmm...shall study then.

eh oh

oh my, i didnt manage to fit piano prac into my time slot this wk... basically, i've wasted this wk's lesson becoz i didnt do my work. argh...waste of money... i went straight to church after tt for band prac. irritating zhongtao told me he's bz with o'level preparation and unable to come for prac and meeting, my arse, saw him in church decorating the church k! sickening...
band prac was alright, average. well, bert not playing drums this wk for dunno what reason tt might be. so dekai replaced him...
hmmm...was planning to go home after prac but nat dragged me to help do the church deco. and so i did... but she left early. hmph
then malvin dragged me to hav dinner with him and the rest of the guys. before i could say no, he already booked a place for me. how smart... but for the very reason tt he's my cousin, i went.
conversations over dinner was fine. the onli weird part is im the onli gal on the table. felt very out actually...
the day ended with me going home while the guys enjoyed themselves watching a movie

swimming yay!!! alcohol muahahha...

it was a fun and exciting day because i was swimming in Carmen's house after sch dismissed at 1pm. yup, we had lunch and drank liqour after that, watching "Prince & Me". we also had karaoke in her house... haha... so funny... i dunno how to sing atomic kitten's songs lah... it's not my fault that i messed the songs mah. =p anyway, the activity tt comes after that was the very one programme i truly dread every wk, that is TPCO. i dun mean to say that i dread my CCA.. it's juz... some one that i dread to see every wk in TPCO. haiz... and becoz i SO dun wanna go, i went late on purpose. and how late was i? 1hr 15mins late. ya.. practically 45mins to prac and cca will call it a day... wat to do...

my fav korean song "why"

love this love song..n the words





Full House (korean drama)
By: Oon Myong
"Why"

I don't really know love
I didn't know it'd come like this

I can't seem to control my heart when it comes to love
I wouldn't have started if I knew it'd be like this

Now that it's too late to turn back, I'm having regrets
I hoped you wouldn't be love
I hoped that you wouldn't be my love

I told myself I didn't love you
I hoped we were just passing acquaintances
Because all I'll have left is pain
But even so, I want you
It's making me sad

A wrong start.
That's all I saw it as

I believed I could let you go any time
I don't know what went wrong

I have to avoid your love
But I long for you

I hoped you wouldn't be love
I hoped that you wouldn't be my love

I told myself I didn't love you
I hoped we were just passing acquaintances
Because all I'll have left is pain
But even so, I want you
It's making me sad

Now I'm nothing without you
I can't do anything about it
Knowing that I must erase you...

Makes my life harder